The Writer's Café

I want some opinions about my story's prologue. Open for critism.

Untitled Story

Prologue

One day. That's all it would have taken. If everyone had known what would happen even a day in advance, everything would be different. So many would have lived. But that didn't happen, and the destruction happened. I sat down at a desk in the underground bunker, and began to write this journal. The lights were dim, and the 3 of us waited in silence. I write what may be mankind's last words, as I count down until the nuclear bomb hits.
 
Hey everyone! Just wanted to wish everyone a happy thanksgiving!

It's actually snowing here. I guess it'll be a white thanksgiving. Anyone else getting snow?

And what are you guys thankful for? Anyone have any thanksgiving plans/traditions?
 
One beautiful summer day, u could walk along main street. As ur walking along u hear the saddest sound u ever heard. U look across the road. There is a hospital there. U see two parents sobbing into each others shoulders. U see a peaceful little girl laying in a hospital bed. She's peaceful... Except for a bald head and a pale face. U walk into the hospital in daze. U peer into the room. U know how they feel. U know because u r a ghost. U suffered just like the little girl. Suffered of lukeimia. U go to the girl. Swirl around her twice. Then u bring her up to the heavens. U care for her. U help her. So one day she can bring someone up. Just like u did to her.
 
I wrote that story cause when u grow up I wanna become a pediactric oncolegest (kids doctor for lukeimia) together we can stop it. I believe we must have hope. Hope is part of the cure. With no hope u will be giving up. We can't give up to cancer. Never.
 
The way the wind blows.

Prologue:
The moon was starting to set over the horizon, when it set it'd be the darkest it could be this night, the tree tops made the shadows looked like the fangs of a bat.  

A figure was hidding in the shadows of the trees, nothing of them could be seen but the vapour of there breath was just visable. The moonlight vanished as it sunk over the crest of the outlying hills & with it the lamps in the tavern  lit up.
   
The tavern, a small One storey building with wooden panels in the windows that let out little light. you could see the cobbled pathway leading up to the front door, which was an unusal dark oak wood. The surrounds where lost in the darkness. 
 
The sound of laughter and cups being banged on table tops rang out over the little crove. The figure made there  way to the tavern's door, tapped it lightly and it swang open without  a sound, the figure steped into the soft glowing light, finally illuminating them. 
 
His blonde hair was thar of mid-lenght and covered one of his eyes, which were a deep blue with an intricate pattern that some got lost in. He had a face of a boy but you could see it had been aged far too early for this boy looked 20 at best to others who knew he was  but was just the small 15 spins of the world.
  
He was plainly garbbed in a white tunic and black pants, with leather belt  
& bras Buckle, nothing special. He also carried a bow on his back which was covering his bag of some sort which was strapped around his shoulders and a sword that was foreign to the occupants of the tavern which were starring at him mindlessly.
     
They didn't know what to make of this stranger in there midsts. There was a slight mummering as the stranger slaunted to the tavern keeper.
 
"you have a warm drink" he asked in a rough cut voice as he leaned on a post, 
the keeper was slightly dazed, but nodded, he went silently to get it. As he come back he was holding a steel tankard with what looked like a thick orange liquid inside.  
"2 iclar  for the drink sir" the tavern keep mumbled as he passed it to this stranger.
   
The stranger dug in one off his pockets & produced two coins made out of copper. They had a symbol of some sort on the top which the tavern keeper reginized as the old currency, he chucked them on the counter and sat down at a nearby table.
       
The light mummers formed into conversations and after a few minuets the tavern forgot about the stranger. Which was just aswell the stranger thought, he went from his upright posture to one that was slumped as he relaxed a little.  No one seemed to remember him in these parts of Arafina.

Which was just to his likeing, who would want to remember him as he is the Son of the King who surrendered the land to the people over the sea... The uralagy. Atleast he was trying to reedem himself he thought, we will taken the kingdom back, outside a war hawks cry was heard and a smile played on Davids lips, he drowned his tankard of beealine. What David didn't notice was that on the tavern door there was a poster of him. 
                MISSING 
Name: David araline (Son of the king) 
Occupation: Heir to the throne. 
Last sighted in the Provence of celtiaca, with an unknown person. 


200 iclar if found.

But someone in the tavern did, another stranger to the usuals of the tavern, sitting with there crowl of there faces and a plain green & grey cape surrounding them, an unfinished drink in the table.
 
The stranger got up and you could see there full hight of roughly 6ft, which was gigantic in these parts. They also had a sword on there hip, but on that was bigger than normal as it reached the lenght of his leg. 

This stranger, after throwing a few coin on the table, covered the ground between him & David in just a few strides. 

After downing his drink, David set it on the table & wipped his mouth on his sleeve ; out the corner of his eye he could see the giant looming over him, realisation hit him as he saw the giants eyes. He embraced him like an old friend.  
 
Guess what? I read the first chapter of battle camp the enemy and laughed so hard at how bad it was! I don't think I started to get goodish until ch. 5 of battle camp the rescue! You should see what I did to the first chapter of the enemy. I highlighted the whole thing in five colors!

Yellow= bad
Green= needs work
Red= describe it more
Gray= okay
Blue= Good

It was colorful!
 
The little girl stirred in her hospital bed. She looked across the room and saw shadows dancing in a corner. She heaved in a shakey breath. A light of a car passed her window. Her forehead was matted with sweat. Her hair was just a few whips on her head. She closed her eyes. She thought of her mother and father. She loved then so much. Her head started to buzz. She started to feel dizzy then everything went black. A angel that was waiting outside swirled around her and brought her up to heaven. That little girl had a new life. Now she could be truly happy.
 
I know this would belong on innocence heart broken but here I go !Irin, the problem is I am  like u but guess who did it it's just that I  Danny Rubino but he isn't talking to me so that's partly why I'm . but it's also because he said a strange thing that also made me . It's Just that being heart broken is nothing move on but I can't like I told u earlier on innocence heart broken .
 
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