XxTIl-__KING__-IITxX
Well-Known Member
For ONCE smight can destroy someone 
The Writer's Café
- Thread starter *Irin (01)
- Start date
Apologetic
Well-Known Member
can someone please read mine and tell me what they think? Suggestions would be appreciated!
cheesemuffin
Well-Known Member
I don't read other works usually, but today I'm too tired and angry to read it. Thanks, EA, for pushing me to spend 400 dollars to be able to play a game.
@smilef0rmyscope
It was okay. You had some grammar mistakes, but nothing that couldn't be overlooked. I got pretty into it when I read the battle scene. My only complaint is that it is fairly cliche. You would need to take this idea and make it your own before I would read on.
It seems more like a prologue than a first chapter, so I would read on if you wrote more and posted it. I hope you decide to do just that!
It was okay. You had some grammar mistakes, but nothing that couldn't be overlooked. I got pretty into it when I read the battle scene. My only complaint is that it is fairly cliche. You would need to take this idea and make it your own before I would read on.
It seems more like a prologue than a first chapter, so I would read on if you wrote more and posted it. I hope you decide to do just that!
Apologetic
Well-Known Member
That's what it was supposed to be and I've always been pretty bad at grammar so I'd just have to look it over again. This was kind of a rough draft so I would re write it before I put it out for the public again. What did you think of the Phoenix idea?
Apologetic
Well-Known Member
Thank you for your support and I will continue writing!
XxTIl-__KING__-IITxX
Well-Known Member
E A SPORTS... (PAY UP THE ASS...) ITS IN THE GAME
Smighter89
Well-Known Member
Yeah, ik. I was being sarcastic.
I hate that the interwebs nullify sarcasm.
I hate that the interwebs nullify sarcasm.
Smighter89
Well-Known Member
Not at you, at bremen.
Smighter89
Well-Known Member
But post something you wrote on here, we can tell you if you're good or bad.
LordOfDeath123
Well-Known Member
The writers cafe
I threw myself to the ground as the gladius whipped over my head, he advanced, his scuta held out in the defensive posture and his gladius pointing right at me. Through the slit in his helmet I could see his dark and remorseless eyes, I scrambled up holding my spatha in the outside of my infantry shield, I ran forward surprising my opponent with the ferocity of the attack. I punched my heavy shield into his face breaking his nose and sliced my spatha across his leg tendons bringing him to the floor, my spatha whipped down to his throat, I looked at the emperor sitting in his box ornate box far above me, his thumb pointed down, my sword slid into my erstwhile enemies throat
I threw myself to the ground as the gladius whipped over my head, he advanced, his scuta held out in the defensive posture and his gladius pointing right at me. Through the slit in his helmet I could see his dark and remorseless eyes, I scrambled up holding my spatha in the outside of my infantry shield, I ran forward surprising my opponent with the ferocity of the attack. I punched my heavy shield into his face breaking his nose and sliced my spatha across his leg tendons bringing him to the floor, my spatha whipped down to his throat, I looked at the emperor sitting in his box ornate box far above me, his thumb pointed down, my sword slid into my erstwhile enemies throat
LordOfDeath123
Well-Known Member
tell me what you think
LordOfDeath123
Well-Known Member
I am thinking of writing, a different, book with this as the prologue any thoughts? Constructive critisicm more than welcome
I'm thinking of writing a book with this as the start what does anybody think of it.
We weren't the first.
They wanted to experiment with the new technology so they took them, the drunks, the tramps, the people no-one will miss. When their experiments failed it didn't deter them from their tasks, they just stepped over the bodies and tried again, and then again. Eventually they got the formula right and they presented their findings to the various governments. The project was deemed to be unsafe and it was stopped and the labs boarded up. The various people who had been changed were sent out into the world. 5 years later at the start of the Second World War, the governments changed their minds, They want us back.
I'm thinking of writing a book with this as the start what does anybody think of it.
We weren't the first.
They wanted to experiment with the new technology so they took them, the drunks, the tramps, the people no-one will miss. When their experiments failed it didn't deter them from their tasks, they just stepped over the bodies and tried again, and then again. Eventually they got the formula right and they presented their findings to the various governments. The project was deemed to be unsafe and it was stopped and the labs boarded up. The various people who had been changed were sent out into the world. 5 years later at the start of the Second World War, the governments changed their minds, They want us back.