The Writer's Café

I know poetry night is every Sunday, but I really would like some criticism on my poem as soon as possible. My poem is about bullying, because my assignment for school is to make a poem or song on bullying. It is called: Take my pain away


All these tears are welling up inside,
I've had enough, so I'm ready to cry,
Nowhere to run, Nowhere to hide,
But here I cannot confide (in anyone),
I can't take back the things she said,
Every morning I want to lay in my bed,
All the words swarm my brain,
And I can't take away the pain,....


I'd like some real criticism. Just tell me what you honestly think.
And again, sorry, I know this is supposed to be on Sundays. But I'm not sure if I did so well.


Thanks.
 
Sash-

Poetry night doesn't really happen as often, as Irin's gone :( Anyways, you're always welcome to share a poem here.

I feel like your poem's more contrived because of the rhyming. Are you allowed to write free verse? Your style seems good, but because of the rhyming, it feels to me as if you could do better unsanctioned.
 
That's good.

Show us one of your poems when you don't have to rhyme.

For now, try not to try too hard on the rhyming. I know teachers scream, "EFFORT!", but really, if it doesn't click don't force it to.
 
The poem's good, just that one part, But here I cannot confide (in anyone), sounds a bit out of place, though that may just be my own head messing with itself.


Oh and everytime I have a creative streak I'll try and post it here to see if what resulted is good.
 
God.
Kill me.
Punish me.
Perish in hell.
I lived.
Once.
And loved.
Once.
But my love is gone.
And I am here.
Let me perish too.

This was on my paste. If you cant tell its a poem :P
 
No I mean threads that have absolutely nothing to do with FF and belong in OT. Or threads with one word in it.
And it's offended* not afended.
 
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