The Writer's Café

Okay:
I've been working on writing for a while, and I still stink. So here is a part of a story I'm writing. Do NOT go easy. I got my big girl panties on and I'm ready. So here it goes.

Hannah burst through the door. And she was not slowing down. Frankly, she didn't know how long she could out run those damnable dogs... Or if she even could.
Pieces of rock from the asphalt jabbed her feet. Suddenly, the cage didn't seem that bad. She kept going though. She wouldn't be easy to replace since she WAS the only prototype. So they wouldn't kill her, but torture her.
Then that longing for the cage was magically erased.
She heard the barks of the dogs and rounded a corner.
"Help! Someone!" She screamed, and was suddenly pulled into the shadows.
Someone covered her mouth and she watched the oblivious dogs and humans pass.She turned suddenly to see an older girl with a scar running over her lips. She grinned. Her dark eyes brightening.
Hannah was terrified. She could take this girl in a fight but, who knew what this girl was capable of. But she seemed safe enough...
For now...
 
Well, the three major issues I see are:

1) Sentence fragments don't help a story. Unless you're using them as parts of dialogue, they just make thee hole thing look choppy.

2) Please make more defined paragraphs :I

3) There's no real description, or development to help tell the reader what's going on. I mean, I know what you wrote, but it just didn't seem... Whole. So yeah, describe and develop.

Aside from that... I don't have much.
 
Well, I actually did that somewhat on purpose. Because this is actually part of a rough draft I've been making so that helps explain some of the missing information and details. Thanks for the critics. I appreciate it wasn't too critical.
 
Can someone read the blurb I posted and tell me what they think of it and not just go on a storming rampage about my misuse of -one- measly little word >:(
/:,(
 
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