The Writer's Café

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by *Irin (01), Jul 20, 2010.

  1. If good feedback, I'll have this story out almost immediatly. Already spawning whats going to happen.
     
  2. Sounds a LOT like Winters'.
     
  3. No. Trash it and try again. Bows shattered windows? what?
     
  4. i agree with feather hunter
     
  5. @Secret I suppose it's OK but I can't really say since there was very little. I have to admit I'm a bit skeptical though. Maybe try providing more details?
     
  6. heres my story
    hopin for feedback wall me it:

    Once upon a time there was a guy named secret. He played a game called "Kingdoms at War." He like to write stories but everyone hated them.
     
  7. Now, this isn't that story at all. Decided against it; Winters had completely beat me to it.

    The dark-hooded figure strolled the city, keeping his head down. The building where he had to meet his master was up ahead. His master was stricter than ever though, and that was in his best mood. He had a feeling this might be the last time he would walk through his beautiful city of France. He had failed to eliminate the two people. Just two. That one person's name was Josh, with his twin, Diana. And his master didn't tolerate failure. He glanced at the blue sky, then shuffled into the building.
     
  8. Again, there's not really much of it. I can't judge it.
     
  9. Maybe more description of the scenery?
     
  10. Rash, no description and France is a country; not a city.
     
  11. I can perfectly do that, Stora. (This is only the scenery, FYI)

    The sky was cloudy, with smoke drifting up from the nearby factories. The street was newly paved; construction equipment was laying nearby. The alley in which he was walking in had trash sweeped up on the side, with dumpsters reeking a smell. He didn't even want to TRY to identify it.
     
  12. My God, messed up on that. Paris*
     
  13. Eh I suppose you can pull it off. Give it a shot, you'll never know until you try :)
     
  14. Ok. To let you guys know, this will have Magic and other things involved. And you're right of course, Stora.
     
  15. CallOfBooty... Gotta be the best username ever xD
     
  16. No! CoB! D;
     
  17. How could you? He was like a son/daughter/other to me T^T