Real life talk. I am a former E-5 USA Army Sergeant who deployed in Iraq. Many details aside, durning that deployment, I lost someone, Specialist Adams. It was a devastating experience. Those NCO's here very well will understand that hell-full feeling. The lost of a brother in arms is unexplainable painful and hard to live with. Especially one under your command. That was in 2008. Then in 2013, May 8th, the 5th year anniversary of his death, his widow, broke down and committed suicide. In her note, she blamed me for her pain and death and it broke me, bad. You can ask a lot of players here from Foxes and New Age how far I fell from myself. I loved them, deeply and lost one overseas and the other took her life from that damned day. I started drinking daily, spending excessive amounts on this poison. Would go to cc and 3rd party apps drunk and ramble about the pain as well as other dark experiences. This went on for a long while. I lost my wit, lost my goals, lost myself. I can't count how many times me and SirAyden had talks of darker times and I thank him for those chats. Same goes for Aydens_Mommy, Cherry and Twicc. Then a player, Saxon, of New Age had a talk with me. He spoke harshly but honestly with me. Gave me a true kick in the teeth that I really needed. That talk and the details will remain between us, but it really woke me up. After that, I have been sober for 3 weeks, i feel my wit coming back. In game and real life, I am better now, sharper, I am me, living life for those who I lost. Cherry Twicc Aydens_Mommy SirAydenOfFozes joe_ PJenn Foxes New Age And especially, above all, Saxon. Thank you all and so many more in game and real life for being there when I reduced myself to nothing. The good me is back and back to live life to it's fullest. To Kaw, life can be harsh but beautiful too. It is on us to live it, but never feel ashamed to take a helping hand. Even the strongest person in the world needs help up. Thank you all. I also have so many others to think for just being there when I was down and not just being around when I was up. I can not express my gratitude enough to all of you. From CrashXIII and YumiMumi to Papa_Smurf and Twicc, to Alison and Towel and all of the real life friends that will not be named. Thank you all. And those in dark times, I hope this helps you see the light of life. Good life and take flight! Let us all capture that Horizon I'm just a little bit caught in the middle. life is a maze and love is a riddle.
Re: Thank You That is great that you haven't been drinking. I can only imagine the pain you felt. I appreciate what you have done for the country and am sorry to hear what has happened. Better times are coming your way.
Re: Thank You I have always had friends there to help me. Either they would listen or try to be tough on me. Just took me a while to accept things and decide to change. I had a lot of players in this game and in Future Combat lend their ear, and advice. Sadly, for a long while I brushed a lot off. Just feels freeing to actually listen to a friend and just get over myself. And truly, it was hard to get to the point of getting over my depression and I am thankful Saxon was in my life as an in game friend to give that final kick in the ass that allowed me to finally start moving on.
Re: Thank You You don't understand how glad I'm to hear that, rusty. <3 Glad someone could get to you! lol Always wishing you the best. Keep it up, you'll go far. And thank you for being there for me when I needed it. Respected and Loved.
Re: Thank You Rusted you are a strong minded person who I have always had a great deal of respect for , whether it be in an OSW , or your forum posting you have carried yourself well. What you've had to deal with I can not begin to imagine the pain it has caused. It can't have been easy for you and I am so terribly sorry this has happened to you. I'm glad to hear that things are getting easier for you. Talking helps as you said. Kaw friendships are good like that, people that you meet on here I've often found myself opening up to them more about things then I would my best friend. Stay strong!! an positive!! depression is hard , but very beatable️ -Bunny (solstice Queen)
Re: Thank You Thanks bunny. I believe it was easy for me to open up to my kaw friends because I never saw their eyes or face when I was ranting. Sadly I started to take advantage of that and used it as a crutch. That was when Saxon approached me. This game has many flaws and the developers seem to only want to enhance things that are easy to enhance, probably because of the headache that EE brings them. But the people here are amazing. Even if a good lot of us are trollish and bitchy. It makes it great. I only hope this post helps someone out there get through their dark times. Because once you make that choice to change, it. Is like Atlas having the weight of the sky lifted off of his shoulders. Still rough roads and hard times ahead, but it feels amazing to have my mind and thoughts back. Something that Has been out of reach for awhile.
Re: Thank You Very sorry for the losses. Thanks for your service Rusted. I quit cold turey july 2013 myself. It gets easier and easier. Stick with it . Best thing you can do for yourself and your family Stay Strong!
Re: Thank You I'm glad you found an anchor. Some of your mental saviors are people I know well, and they are strong, understanding, and brilliant. Keep your head up. You're a survivor, a victim. You know deep down why you were there, and who's fault it is that our brothers and sisters have to face the blackness that is war.....it's not your fault. Just understand you aren't alone and that good days and bad days will come. You are strong, and will always need to be strong in your life to walk that path. It ain't easy. But you got this.
Re: Thank You Like many before me, I want to say thank you Rusty for your service and sacrifice. Even in our darkest hours it is important to remember you have friends around to help cope with the burden. Hope for better tomorrow, hope for better things to come, is sometimes the only thing, that can help us hang on there. Whether you lose close one in the combat or accident, whether you cope with depression or poor health friends and family become anchor that help us turn things around. Your post is very inspirational in many ways. Thank you for sharing it with us. It may help others to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am glad things start looking up for you. Although we are enemies in the game, my support and best wishes are there for you always. །༜།ᎩᎪ_GROM_FེᎥ།༜།
Re: Thank You Wonderful man! I've been sober(was heavy drinker of wine) for 31 days now. We journey together! May we journey in peace.
Re: Thank You Congrats bro. I never knew any of this. Sorry to hear about your friend and his wife. Military life is rough. Above all, thank you for your service! Support the troops