The Writer's Café

They're both ok, but I have to say that I found cheese's version a bit more interesting. I think it's because yours had less detail plot wise and had a abrupt ending.
But if it came between description,yours had more description.
 
Cliffhangers are my favorite! Description is my forte! Right now, I'm trying to keep my storyline inconspicuous ATM. I don't want y'all to become bored!
 
The thing is, you're doing that perfectly, but you don't reveal enough to get the ball rolling.

So you're kinda restricting the reader. Cliffhangers are easy to learn, but very hard to master.
 
I don't want to overwhelm them. I'm currently asking the mods to submit a request to get d_bo forum banned.

I think I'll write the next part of chapter one...
 
If you don't show the reader where the story is headed then the reader will get bored. At least I would.
If a story is confusing then I'd just stop reading.
You need to find balence. Don't reveal everything in one go but bit by bit.
 
This is kinda random, but here's a poem I wrote;


The cat creeps in on silent feet,
Like dusk creeps up on day.

Ears laid back, it scents the air,
Then like a theif, steals away.

As pinks dawn comes, the cat is gone,
Like color in the night.

But only to wait for tomorrow's eve,
Like a bat, who hides from the sun.


There y'all go! Hope you like it!
 
Somebody should make a story involving rasputin0.0 since I have no talent I would ruin it. (Rasputin the Russian priest not the song by Boney m. Or Turisas [don't know spelling of the second band]
 
He clawed his way out of the bag when he was thrown into the river. He was a priest who healed the Romanov children, who had hemophilia, a deadly blood disease.
 
I know there frowned upon here but I was looking to set up an rp on a perfectly awesome l[emon (forgive me I'f this doesn't work I havent used this kind of stuff in forever
 
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