Zelgarad Hospitalized 

Discussion in 'Other KaW Discussion' started by -WillyTheDeuce-, Aug 14, 2016.



    REUTERS: August 13, 2016:

    Famed epic battle bad boy Zelgarad The Accursed was severely injured today in a building fire that he himself caused.

    According to witnesses, Zelgarad was in the process of pillaging a warehouse full of Amish Chuck Wagons when he sustained 3rd degree burns on his hand and crotch, rendering the EB hero "very upset".

    7 News obtained a photo of the occurrence....

    As seen above, his scrotal manparts were completely burned off in the incident, and boy oh boy, is Mrs. The Accursed is not happy.

    "I've told him several times to leave those Amish Chuck Wagoneers alone, but he never listens. Ever. Now he will need to sit down every time he pees."

    7 News tried to reach Mr. Zelgarad for a statement but he declined to comment. Reports of several murdered Amish at the hands of Zelgarad were never reported, because Amish do not believe in telephones, or justice.

    Stay tuned for tonight's undercover investigation revealing Jorath caught getting a lappy while still on the clock...

    And, now over to Bob with the traffic...
  2. speaking as someone that lives near the amish; and has no pity for those that inflict injury upon themselves, i'm not terribly upset about any of this.
  3. I figured this stuff would air until Trump opens his mouth again, and then it would slide into the 6th or 7th page.

    Also, before Kasama points out the obvious, this is an old thread that was recreated with an updated date, as to avoid the "necrobump" infraction.

    I'm a washed up bum who only recycles my crap threads.

    Thanks for reading.
  4. Oh, and the Amish can't read this bit.

  5. Ur just too funny Willy

    Don't stop with the humorous threads
  6. Just laughed my ass off well scripted 3/10
  7. @Willy
    I was going to let it slide but it takes real chutzpah to point out your own unoriginal content.

    May the KaW dump pay you well for your can collecting.

    Deepest condolences,

  9. The real sad thing is, Zelgarad's a right hander.

    So, now that he's lost use of his left hand, he can't play video games or other ambidextrous whatevs.

    He's going to forever have a bored right hand and not be able to do much to do with it anymore...

    Oh! Hang on! Jorath's wearing a wedding band! His wife's gonna lawyer up and divorce his ass... Maybe she and Zelgarad can hook up and just cuddle and he can give her all the attention Jorath just couldn't...
    Plus, when she needs to feel a woman again, she can always just visit Zuthmerak's brother.
  10. Classic kawtertainment. Great haven for sons and daughters of Usaris.
  11. There is an offensive squid joke there somewhere.
  12. Before we go any further has anyone actually counted Zuth's tentacles(yes I said tentacles)?
    Is he a squid or an octopuss?
    It's an important detail
  13. In reality...he's a kraken.

    But, that head...definitely octopus, methinks...
  14. Mouth is in totally wrong place for an octopus. But squid don't have teeth, and some octopus do, so....wait...why am I discussing the order of a fictional creature?
  15. Because the details are important Word. It would be ridiculous to make squid references if in fact he's an octopus.
    Octopus are funnier than squid
  16. Look. We know he is a mollusk, and isn't phylum what really matters?