Willy's Guide: Real Life Items

WILLY...WHAT IS THIS MAGIC YOU SPEAK OF?


Salutations, lowly forum junkie looking for a quick fix of information! I am your local internet Jesus.

And welcome to biggest waste of your next 5-15 minutes (Times based upon how fast you can process stupidity). Allow me to open up the walls of your reality, and expose you to a world that you did not know existed....a world of power and advantage.

A world that allows you to have the upper hand in certain situations!


REAL LIFE ITEMS!


Unbeknownst to most of you, item drops occur EVERY DAY on this planet. The only difference between the winners and losers is simple....

Losers were not looking.

But i'm looking. Because I care. I care for you and the betterment of your life. I care for the....OK YEAH WHATEVER...I'm looking for cheap laughs. There, I said it.


And you're still reading.





Here is my "guide" to all of the Items in life's own daily Epic Battle...



ABYSSAL BREATH SPRAY



DESIGN: - An eight chambered "bottle of freshness" designed to rid the world of it's lower echelon of .... halitosis. One squirt lasts an eternity!



LEONINE CHURCH TANK



DESIGN: - Nothing says "Holy War" like this bad boy. Guaranteed to escalate any issue you may or may not have. Also, eliminates the hassle of having to drive to church on Sunday...or any day. AND its made out of leonine....whatever that **** is.



SILICA XRAY GLASSES OF SILENCE



DESIGN: - Seeing through things is always a good thing. (Except obese and hairy peoples clothing) REGARDLESS....stare at people with these spectors, and watch how quiet and uncomfortable they get. Guaranteed!



BLOODLUST ELIXIR



DESIGN: - The choice of a new generation! This powerful drink will enrage you with fury and make you long for the blood of your enemies. Increases attack and defensive driving skills by 45,000,000. Consume at your own risk.



The Ring Of Lost Soles



DESIGN: - LOSE A SHOE?? NO PROBLEM, BRO! These wicked comfortable sneakers not only feel like you're tiptoeing across a field of supermodel bum bums, but are GPS equipped in case your buddies need to find you in a field of supermodel bum bums. SO SCIENCE!


Enchanted Snare Ring



DESIGN: - Most of you don't know that a snare is actually a wire stretched across a drum, not a small bird trap...today. And regardless of how many times this singer jumps on a set and pisses everyone off in the band, do not underestimate the power of the annoying snare hit.

It is powerful. Like an MSPCA commercial. Which I am watching right now....in tears. Damn you Sarah McLachlan. Damn your sweet voice.

 

THIS SPOT FOR SALE

 

OH MY GHERD!! CHURTIS ON MER THRRRRD!!!