OP has not been renamed for his name bypass? Interesting. To stay on topic, I prefer extremely hot showers for long periods of time. I make sure I don't feel any shampoo or soap on my body so I am prestine clean with no left over residues.
I love baths but rarely get the time. And I prefer to take a preshower first due to the soaking in your own dirt issue. Candles and music are a must too. Bubbles and a nice book. No kids pounding on the door screaming "mom!" Guess that's why they are now relegated to fantasy.
I am with you. I hate when my kids pound on the door screaming "mom!" Like shut the **** up it's dad and I am taking a **** so get the **** out.
My reply is usually "go ask your father! He's sitting 3 feet from where you were. You had to walk through the entire house to find me!"
And I somehow doubt the veracity of your claims to being a Roman centurion with flatulence. But I was being too polite to call you on it.