The Disciples Episode One Quick Preview I felt the cold metal blade of the knife on my neck as he sliced
Hello! I am new here and would like to begin a story. I would be very grateful for any advice. Regards, Astarael
Well, I am going to go ahead and comment what I suppose will be the prologue to my story here. Once again, I would greatly appreciate any advice and criticism! It is said that at the beginning of time there were two immortal brothers. These brothers were not Gods, but they were builders. They made everything from the earth, to the sun, to the seas, and to flame. Finally, they made creatures that resembled them. These new beings called themselves “humans”. The humans did many great things; they built castles, tamed beasts, and farmed the land. But although the humans looked like the two brothers, they were different. They were greedy. And so when it came time for the first humans to die, they were not ready to accept their fate. So they asked the most beloved of the brothers, Tarrev, what to do. Tarrev answered them this: “Accept the time you have been given. The shorter a life is, the more dear it becomes.The longest lives become worthless, for where is ambition when you have as much time as you need?” But the humans were not satisfied with this answer. And so they went to the brother Verrat. Verrat was jealous of the humans’ love for his brother, and so when the humans told him of their plight, he built for them a Principle. When Verrat had finished, he smiled a sickly smile and spoke the new Principle to them. “When you kill a fellow man, his years shall not go to waste. The years they lived and the years they didn’t shall become your own.” But Verrat didn’t notice Tarrev in the shadows whisper “...Yet they will leave a bitter taste.” That night, while Tarrev was sleeping, Verrat pressed a knife to his brother's chest. Just as Verrat stabbed down, Tarrev awoke and asked his brother "Why?" and died. As blood pooled around Tarrev's still warm body, Verrat answered the sad expression on his brother's face with a satisfied look in his eye. "Because I hate you." From that day onward, the humans worshipped Verrat from that day on as their Lord, their Death Lord- the Grim Reaper. He and his Skulls, an elite group of warriors, end the lives of those who have lived too long. The Skulls of Death are both hated and revered, although all agree that they are necessary. They decide who lives and dies. They pass judgement on all. They commit sin and kindness, and if they should crumble, the world would follow. Thank you for reading it! Have a great day! Cordially, Astarael
Thank you, Phoenix and Caine! Hmm, I don't see the resemblance to Clash of the Titans. What exactly is similar between the two?
It's good. I find it too cliché, like mirroring creation stories or like Caine and Able (or whatever the names are). It is good overall, just me personally I don't care very much towards parallelism. I like creative, completely original stories. But that's just me
Hey guys I'm writing the first book of what I honestly think will be a ten book series in length because of all of its content. The problem, however is that I'm still in the stage of developing the world my story is set in and creating characters necessary for the long run. But anyway onto the question! My latest characters name is Rikki. she is a young woman of average height, has a very voluptuous body (yep, that character), She has a tan complexion like most people of where the first book is set in, long blonde hair partly kept in a tuft on the back of her head, the rest left to fall around her back and shoulders. She has bright green eyes and is always seen wearing a red bandana that covers her forehead. Now what I'd like to ask you guys is if her name fits her description, and what the rest of her attire should be. Like what could you guys see her wearing? I like to make my characters memorable and unique.