The Writer's Café

Secret Of The Ancients: Epilouge

The rain constantly poured. I couldn't use my power. The giant lumbered over me, cackling with laughter. He cackled madly, "So boy. They can't help you now, can they? You're on your own, and I have my own army."

Then she appeared on the hill on her horse. "I don't think he's alone when I'm here." And then there was a moment of inspiration for me, and I took off running, my sword glowing with power. The giant merely glanced at me, whirling his trident, easily blocking my blow. Sweat stung my eyes, and my vision started to go blurry from it. The giant kicked me in the chest, sending me flying backwards. I groaned in pain, black spots dancing before my eyes. I got up, groaning, feeling the broken rib, mumbling a curse. Through my hazy vision, I could see my best friend (The one on the horse.) fighting the giant, and I started to charge, but out of nowhere, another giant came charging over the hill, barreling towards me, and I knew no more... (If that's long enough, good. Because I can't think of anything else right now.)
 
Lol. I would recommend you make it a lil bit more descriptive, since its moving really quickly, so I don't know what's going on.
Also, I'll post a short story type thing that I might do... Wait a sec.
 
Oh, btw, an Epilogue is after the ending...
Here goes:

Rivulets of rain water ran down my face, plastering my hair to my forehead. I checked my wrist, the symbol was still glowing a dull blue, getting stronger the closer I got to the center of town. I flattened myself against the houses dripping walls and slowly looked around the corner. Nothing moved, besides for an inn's light wavering in the fog. It was perfectly quiet, only the crickets permeating the still night. I lowered into a crouch and moved against the wall, then sprinted toward the inn. Half expecting to hear a shout as I was spotted, I swiveled around, staring into the thick mist. Nothing moved. I looked up, staring at the citadel. All it was was a looming darkness, barely discernible compared to the night sky. Looking at my wrist again, the symbol was glowing even stronger. I felt my thigh, the knife there giving me a comfortable feeling. Moving ever closer to the citadel, I kept to the thickest shadows.
"Johnny boy, did'ja ask her on your date yet?"
I stopped in my tracks, staring at a now visible lantern that was wobbling in time to its users movements.
"Nah, I try, I do, but it never works. I lose my nerve the second before I ask."
I crept even closer, then dropped prone when the man's voice came ringing out. "Well, I succeeded well before you. It wasn't that hard, just force yourself te- what was that! John, did'ja see that?" He said, gesticulating madly to where I lay. I pressed my face into the dirt, hoping my black cloak would hide me. I held my breath, waiting for them to lose interest.
"I don't know... It seems as if... Never mind, it's nothing."
"Well, it never hurts to be sure, John," he said, while pulling out a crossbow from the parapet. He leveled it toward me, finger resting on the trigger.
I held my breath, waiting for the shot. A short "Fwip" rang out, and immediately everything slowed down. I twisted onto my back and jumped up, then snatched my hand out and caught the moving arrow with three fingers, and snapped it. There was a moments pause, and then suddenly a bell rang out. I turned around toward the door to the citadel, and ran toward it, jumping toward it with my shoulder to barge it open.
 
Secret Of The Ancients: Epilouge

The rain constantly poured. I couldn't use my powers, but I could feel the electricity on my skin, but the rain was magical. I couldn't use my powers, no matter what. I looked up, sky blue eyes searching the giant, my brown hair soaked, trying to see his next move.

The giant lumbered over me, cackling with laughter. He cackled madly, "So boy. They can't help you now, can they? You're on your own, and I have my own army."

Then she appeared on the hill on her horse. "I don't think he's alone when I'm here." It was plain to see the glowing light yellow aura around her. Her blond hair was flowing with the wind, and I smiled, knowing we could take the giant together. (And I didn't forget the chesnut horse, mind you guys.) On that note, there was a moment of inspiration for me, and I took off running, my sword glowing with power, and almost humming, the faint blue aura leaving a trail.

The giant, green skin, snake feet, and beads in his hair and all, merely glanced at me, whirling his trident, easily blocking my blow. Sweat stung my eyes, and I tried to counter, but he blocked it again, and more sweat pured into my eyes, and my vision started to go blurry from it. I saw him as if I was dreaming, thanks to the vision haze. I saw him looking as if he was deciding what to do, then I saw his foot coming at me, and I attempted to run away, but I couldn't.

My legs seemed glued to the rocky hill. The giant merely kicked me in the chest, sending me flying backwards. I groaned in pain, black spots dancing before my eyes. I got up, groaning, feeling the broken rib, mumbling a curse.

Through my hazy vision, I could see my best friend (The one on the horse.) fighting the giant, and I started to charge, but out of nowhere, another giant came barreling over the hill, almost enough alike the other giant to be his twin, towards me, a fogging pain, all thought gone, and faint screams of resistance, probably from my friend, and everything went black, and I knew no more...
 
Much better! The last paragraph is... One sentence long. It's kind of a run-on. Add some periods. The parentheses are fine, but when you right the actual story, you might want to take them out. Good writers really on their readers intelligence to understand what's before them. Also the entire part where he runs away, then for some reason is attacking the giant, who blocks - a block that he countered; you can't counter a block. A block isn't an attack, so there's nothing to block... You should make that a little more descriptive and choose your words wisely.
Btw, what story is this from? Is it just a beginning of a new story?
 
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