Nice start their, try to go into a bit more detail and I think we have the startings of a great story
I gotcha star I liked it alot just trying to tell you how you could improve it and yes explaining the situation after is better
Yer, I wrote a copy of stora's story and changed it, I realised my mistakes afterwards Espically the big one with Diane and Evaline
Problem for me when writing is that I stink with names. I can never think of good names for anything.
Tell me what you think and what could be improved thx all apricianted this is chp 1-2 New Found Life Early in the morning awakened by a Crow Anna peers out her window only To find metalic creed wariors aproching quickly she reaches for her bow as They creep ever closer suddenly they Break into a run without thinking anna Fires an arrow into a knights neck Crumpling to the ground one knight Is halted four more continue on their sprint. Shooting off another arrow into a leg she then retreats out the backdoor just as the remaining three break in. Running faster and faster Her heart beat slows eventualy. Now walking, she looks for a shelter. Spoting a large tree and some good wood Anna smiles and says to herself out loud "well things are looking better and at lest I don't have those guys still after me." then feeling two hands on her arm she knows she's in a pickle. The brutes quickly wrestled her the ground. kicking and screaming she resists but they hold her down then the smaller ties Anna up and they heave her on a horse they then the horses gallop untill they reach a camp with a couple hundered people. The larger man puts her in a tent then leaves. Remembering that she has a knife on her side she quitely rubs the rope on it untill it snaps a guard bursts in and draws his sword Anna outmatched with only a dagger grabs a torch the guard slashes out at her. Parrying with the torch and stabing with the dagger her combatent is dead. Anna silently crawls away from the camp. She spys a horse that she moves toward. A guard turns her way she closes her eyes and hurls her knife. Bulls-eye hit him perfectly she thinks "I impress myself somtimes." hurrying to the horse, jumping on, and riding away. Anna rides untill she reached a tavern. Inside a man is telling storys about the land they are in. Out of curiosity she starts to listen "Before your time __ united a strong group of warriors refered to now as metalic creed. He united them in the hope that they would one day rule every kingdom" "Wow........." Escaped anna's mouth "But why dosnt someone try to stop them" "Some have" said the story teller "but, those who have.." Being inturupted by two brutes bursting in he quickly finished his sentance "this is what happens to those who do" crushing a loaf of bread he quickly disappears. Anna tries to unsheath her dagger but it was too late the brutes were alreddy within strikking distance. She grabbes a chair and yells "bar fight" beer bottles flying she gets to the ground as the fight worsens she sees a woman close a door a disides to follow her. As Anna opened the door a must smell escapes the cellar "that stinks" but her own will doesn't listen to the stench. pursuing the dark damp passage as it gets narower and the seiling gets closer she finds herself in a wine cellier thinking "I hit the jackpot" she grabbs one just then the wall spins around "SWEET" Anna thinks. walking Down a spiral stair case she slows when she hears voices "we must stop the advance of the metalic creed if their not stoped we will be forced to move back across the sea." Another deeper voice much like Christopher Lee's "calm down they will be stoped." Anna had been reading lots of novels at this point a guard is right behind the person spying. spinning around and thrusting her dagger the guard crumpled to the floor without a noise. "man I'm good" Anna thinks then just as the words escape her cherry color lips a dart flys into her neck. *************************** CHAPTER TWO: The Bear "Cornelius" Robin said "what should we do with her." Cornelius looking at robins firmly built Body from hard labor while under the controll of the metalic creed finaly stated "let's toss her to the bear. "But what if shes the one Matthias spoke of." "Then she will kill the bear." "she's waking up Cornelius" ************************** Awakening slowly Anna woke up to see two men standing over her. "Trying to escape was pointless even i got out of these chains I would still need to escape though the rock wall and take out these two men with swords" Anna thought "were am I" "Doesn't matter" they stated as they unbound her. "So where are you taking me." Anna repliles. "To the bear cage" they say as they laugh. "drink this." Slaming the cup down and shattering It Anna screams "HELP." Just as she screamed they entered light and a loud rawring sound of the crowd and the cooked game smell made her hungry but before she could smell more her guards droped her and no sooner had they done that the bear came out. The bear towering six and a half feet tall and weighing twice to three times more than her smelling like a pig after a mud bath and feroucious as a... a... well bear. As she had no defence she needed to attack, so she stated searching suddenly she spots a chain. Running toward the chain around the bears neck she quickly moves away from a swipe of his claw jumping on top his head. Grabbing the chain she begens to pull the bear throws her off his head and with a slash cuts a mild gash into her torso. In pain Anna goes quickly between his legs and pulls the beasts tail. Rawring in anger the bear throws his foot in her direction. Faster then the bear Anna jumps on his head and rappes the chain around the monsters head. While the bear thrashes about anna holds onto the chain for her life th beast slows and the colapses.
I skimmed through it, and I found many spelling and grammar error you should fix. Especially the punctuation.
If you like the new edits i made to Chapter 1 part 3 the centurions spy please give me some feedback on it! :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!:
Good idea, turn the spell checker on, it helps massively and I'm a bit lost on the setting at the start, try to explain in more detail, but good story start and I hope you keep writing
heres a link to the feedback thread viewtopic.php?f=12&t=37502 heres a link to the story viewtopic.php?f=12&t=37501
Rename him Cygnus, and make him DARK, not overreacting. Not like "WHY MUST THEY DISTURB MY PEACE!?" but something like..... -------- "I sense the two approaching... It is time." Then, the legendary blacksmith's hammer struck the experienced anvil for the first time in many years.
Minotaur thinks his capture is a fail. He passes through the holographic wall. Back to thinking of a story!!!
After seeing Delphins thread, I realize we need a list of stories, especially complete ones. Anyone agree?
How bout you wait n see? I ain't done. I need detail. Exquisite visuals that recreate the story in your mind. Not mine.