The Writer's Café

*her
And I know. I suppose it doesn't do good to dwell in the old days, but some faces you wish were still around never will be again. Such is life, eh?
 
Not many cling to what the OP actually says to do. This thread was hijacked by players who used it as a chat room and disregarded anyone who wanted their writings looked at.

It is a shell of its former glory. And I hope it can be restored at some point.
 
Sorry, AJ! Now...back on topic...

A story!



25 December 2014, 9:14 AM, in sean893's kingdom.

Today, I woke up and I looked outside my kingdom out of the medieval window. My entire kingdom was filled with snow. Snowflakes fell from the sky, temperature has gone down drastically.

As I wore my usual medieval outfit, a citizen banged on my door.

*SLAM!* "Your majesty! Your majesty!! I have a surprise for you!"

I jumped up in fright the moment the door slammed.

"Jeez, Markus can you not barge in like that? You know I'm scared of surrpises."

"I'm sorry, your Majesty! I just got some urgent news to tell you!

"Uhh...well..okay then..." *the citizen hands a scroll of message to me*


Dear sean893,
You have been invited to our christmas feast,
That is held in your kingdom itself.
We wanted to write a message here to you,
Because we, as citizens and troops think you will be surprised
As there's not much messages nowofdays.

Please come to the dining room at 12 o clock at the afternoon.
Don't forget to enjoy the tasty medieval treats!

By~ sean893's troops and citizens.

"A christmas feast? That's awesome! Thank you, Markus! I will remember this wonderful event. Finally, for once in a long while I can actually eat good food!"

"You're welcome, Your Majesty! I will be waiting for your honoured presence." *the citizen goes out of my room.*

"Ahh...finally there's winter in this year. Never before I can feel snow!! I'm gonna go play snowball fight soon! Gotta dress up in my christmas outfit too!

La la la la lah..." *dashes off to the wardrobe and tries finding christmas clothes...*
 
sean893 said:
Sorry, AJ! Now...back on topic...

A story!



25 December 2014, 9:14 AM, in sean893's kingdom.

Today, I woke up and I looked outside my kingdom out of the medieval window. My entire kingdom was filled with snow. Snowflakes fell from the sky, temperature has gone down drastically.

As I wore my usual medieval outfit, a citizen banged on my door.

*SLAM!* "Your majesty! Your majesty!! I have a surprise for you!"

I jumped up in fright the moment the door slammed.

"Jeez, Markus can you not barge in like that? You know I'm scared of surrpises."

"I'm sorry, your Majesty! I just got some urgent news to tell you!

"Uhh...well..okay then..." *the citizen hands a scroll of message to me*


Dear sean893,
You have been invited to our christmas feast,
That is held in your kingdom itself.
We wanted to write a message here to you,
Because we, as citizens and troops think you will be surprised
As there's not much messages nowofdays.

Please come to the dining room at 12 o clock at the afternoon.
Don't forget to enjoy the tasty medieval treats!

By~ sean893's troops and citizens.

"A christmas feast? That's awesome! Thank you, Markus! I will remember this wonderful event. Finally, for once in a long while I can actually eat good food!"

"You're welcome, Your Majesty! I will be waiting for your honoured presence." *the citizen goes out of my room.*

"Ahh...finally there's winter in this year. Never before I can feel snow!! I'm gonna go play snowball fight soon! Gotta dress up in my christmas outfit too!

La la la la lah..." *dashes off to the wardrobe and tries finding christmas clothes...*
Click to expand...

Nicely done! :) However, the blue should not be centered as it is not a poem or lyrics. The actions that are written with asterisks should be written in complete sentences, but I understood completely :)

Edit 1: The onomatopoeia of SLAM should be italicized to stand out and indicate it's a "sound" word. :)

Edit 2: In the first paragraph you switched tenses (I think that's the right word). You went from past tense to present. The "has gone" should be in the past tense. An alternative would be "the temperature had fell...."; if you don't like that replace the word "fell" with a synonym. :)

Edit 3: Where it says "Because we, as citizens and troops..." it should be Because we, as citizens and troops,...". Notice the comma after troops, the "..." I put there for you to know that the sentence continues. Explanation: You're adding extra information that the sentence CAN go without, but we, readers, wouldn't know who 'WE' is. If you read from "Because we" and skip "as citizens and troops" and pick up at whatever continued after, the setence itself would still make sense. :)

I think this was all I caught onto. Keep writing! If you need any help editing, I can try and give you a hand :)
 
LordZeth said:
We should bring the Writers Cafe back. Like big time. New Host and everything. But who would do a decent job?
Click to expand...

And the Flower Shop, KaW Town, and the Coffeehouse! Actually KaW Town is better dead...
 
This thread probably got me into actual writing, growing up. Found it as an 11 year old, and now I'm 17.
And I agree--it should be brought back. But I don't think we have the community for it anymore...
 
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