I've decided to scrap the song idea. Patience isn't one if my biggest qualities or characteristics. ROA, I know how to write a story It's not the music, it's the lyrics. It's letting the audience (readers) know that the individual(s) (character(s)) can sing. Thanks for the advice, but it's extraneous.
Student: CoS-Phoenix Critic: Storallelite Topic: Write about a soldier under siege during the medieval age. Overall Grade: B Flow: B Description: B- Grammar/Spelling: A- Typos/Editing: A- Ending: B Beginning: A Characters: B Setting: B- Emotion: C Dialogue: B Word Choice: A Comments: Overall it was a nice read. Few typos and grammar errors. You used a nice range of words too! Great beginning! Ending was good BUT, there was a part where you wrote that the character had won but at the end you put that the siege was going to last a very long time. Now I think I knew what you meant by won, meaning this certain battle. But I think for those who need things spelled out, you should state something like: "We had won this battle but it was far from over." Things flowed well, logically though I felt a few sentences stuck out and almost sounded awkward. Setting and description, these two are sorta tied together. You had some description but not enough. What did the ridge look like? Where there trees? Was it cloudy? Sunny? Rainy? I couldn't form a clear picture. Make sure to describe just a little bit more next time. A got a vague idea of the characters, so not bad. OK amount of dialogue, though a think maybe a sentence or two of dialogue could be added. Emotion was a big issue. There was little in the beginning and middle. Ending was sufficient. how does the main character feel when you kicked, hit, etc.? You didn't say so. How does the character feel in the morning? Describe and express some more on how the main character feels. Except for the ending there wasn't enough. I'm really picky about emotion especially if it's in first person. Anyway work on it. Good writing though!
Stora - you should be ashamed. Matzah's been sick and miserable for a day now, and all he's asked for is a review of his story. Shame... Well, he also asked me to review it, so...
I wrote a song about how i cant see emoji on my computer. I CAN'T SEE EMOJI SO DON'T USE IT WHEN REFERRING TO ME RAGE!!!!! its a screamo song.
Did this quick so might be slightly off. Student: Matzah Critic: Storallelite Topic: Write about a soldier under drive in the medieval age. Overall Grade: B Flow: B Description: B Grammar/spelling: A Typos/Editing: B Ending: C Beginning: B Characters: B Setting: B- Emotion: A- Dialogue: B Word Choice: A Comments: Nice beginning, but the ending was rushed. You should of slowed down a bit and elaborated some more. I think the characters death was too sudden. Flowed somewhat well but because of the ending middle being rather fast you only got a B. Good choice of words. Emotion, good, fair amount. Not many grammar or spelling mistakes so good. I noticed a few typos, be sure to proofread! I got a vague sense of the characters personality so good job. You could've described the setting some more. I had a somewhat clear idea of the setting but not clear enough. Elaborate a bit more, but make sure not to overdo it. I think you could've incorporated more dialogue, especially in the beginning and end. He is the king. Shouldn't he be talking or giving orders a bit more? Overall, nice job but there's room for improvement! Keep working on it!