Wah... Lol jk But I actually won't be on KaW until like late tonight...so...I might miss it again or be very very late. Sorry!
I'm sorry, I just got a kick-ass new keyboard for my PC. Macros and shiz, yo. Anyways, the assignment: WRITE ABOUT A SOLDIER IN THE MEDIEVAL AGES UNDER SIEGE.
Okay, so here's mine: The Catapults were really starting to annoy me. They would relentlessly fire flaming balls of steel into our town. A knight in shining armor would come be our savior, told to us from my older brother, Michael. "Stand strong, my brother! For today we must hold off the Templars from conquering our castle!" he would say. It was doubtful we would survive. We would poorly equipped, as I only held a gleaming bronze dagger with no armor, with no armor, just wearing saggy peasant clothing. My brother wanted to help in the fight against the Templars, who were lead by an evil king named Emperor Rythia. His goal was to conquer all of Scythis, our land of peaceful villages and beautiful land. Now that land has been eaten by the horrors of war, those peaceful villages consumed by flickering flames and the sounds of war and death. We could only hope for the best. We continued to hold off a siege attack. The Templars had moved a Battering Ram up. They were close to breaking the wall down when a horn blew in the air. About 200 yards away, a cheer went up and a flash of silver and gold came our way. Reinforcements! The mighty king of Asurath had sent help to us. With the help of the knights, we would be able to defeat the Templars. The Battering Ram continued to slam agains the door, until, BAM! It broke down and the Templars charged in, wielding mighty swords, spears, and shields. We met them in battle, and for the next half hour all I could see was swords clanging, armor breaking, and blood. The sight was terrible. Even with the help of the knights, the Templars seemed to have unlimited troops. I was in the middle of fighting a Templar archer when, SLAM! A flaming bomb exploded near me, and I was knocked out. When I came to my senses, I was in great pain. My hands were tied to a long pole and my feet were shackled together. The knights had all been slayed, and our own townsmen were being slaughtered. I looked up to see my brother and a few other volunteers gagged with their hands tied above their heads to a long iron bar. A Templar stood with a sword near them. The Templar moved to my brother first. As fast as my eyes could see, my brother became motionless, and his eyes became loose. A hole had appeared in his chest where the sword was. One by one, all the other soldiers looked the same way as the sword was put through them. Pretty soon, I was the only one left. Two Templars dragged me over and tied my hands to the iron pole. The Templar stood in front of me, and raised his sword. I closed my eyes and prepared for the worst.
*note I know I suck but I'm gonna try!* The walls around me were crumbling,soldiers were screaming in agony, and to top it all off I had a godamn arrow in my thigh! So I did what any other insane templar knight would do pick up an axe and start beheading some Turks! Turkish soldiers swarmed over the walls chanting in the name of Allah. Defenders screamed and ran I knew I had to stop them. In my mind I was thinking thrust thrust parry hack slash, it was working the infidels were dying! But It seemed fir everyone killed ten more took his place. Knowing the end was near I did the sign of the cross and threw myself into the battle killing as many as I could before I died. One of then got lucky and stabbed me with one final breath I muttered"**** you" and died.
I felt the pulse of their drums. Thunk... Thunk... Thunk... It sickened me, they had our men's heads used for the drums. The arrows soared over the wall, scattered all over and murdered any who passed it. "They're breaking into the first wall!" A shrill came out from the echo of the drum beat. "Get ready men!" I bellow at the top of my lungs. The men shift in the rear, and the first wave comes in. They were soldiers of all kinds, hired merecinaries, short and stubby, tall and lanky, anything you can think of you see. I lunge at the first contender, not knowing what i had gotten myself into. "Coward!" He screeched, and follows my lead, jabbing at my side. I feint to the left, barely glancing the blow, and i force my knife into his shoulder. He stumbles backward, and i smirk triumfantly. But, then the Gaul's mercinaries swarmed me, all holding lances as they cut me off. "You claim me a coward?" I laughed, but they closed in a bit. "No," one voice called, and i looked over. I glance at our retreating troops as it grows silent, "But i do claim you as my own." A man steps foward, and i gasp as i realize his identity.
Ooh can I make a report card now? ... I'll just do it anyway lol, sorry if I might be a bit too picky or harsh Student: Tantilus Critic: Storallelite Topic: Write a story about a soldier under siege in the medieval age. Overall Grade: B- Flow: B Description: C Grammar/Spelling: A Typos/Editing: B- Beginning: B- Ending: B- Characters: C Setting: B Emotion: F Dialogue: C- Word Choice: A Comments: Your flow was pretty good, it went logically and in order but I felt it may have speeded up a tad bit too much nearing the end. You chose good words, especially in the beginning, nice variety. I didn't see any spelling mistakes or grammar mistakes but I think you may have made a mistake and repeated two words. ("Bronze dagger with no armor, with no armor.") You got the right setting, though you should describe it more. You really lacked description and emotion. There was some description but not enough. You need to show the reader what you are imagining through words or the reader won't get a picture in their head. You also need to tell is what the character is feeling. Is he scared? Nervous? Anxious? Feelings are important, they tell us the characters personality and helps us better to "see" the character in our mind. If a character got hurt, you have to say how he/she feels. They could feel pain or, contary, numb due to shock. There was only around one sentence of dialogue and unless you're writing a biograpy or report then you need dialogue. Stories must have dialogue. It moves the story forward in a way, and in the case of first person writing style, it gives us a better view on other character's personalities. It's also rather boring if a story doesn't have dialogue, it's like watching a silent movie. Because there was little emotion, dialogue or description I couldn't get a sense of what the characters were like except the big brother perhaps, but I don't know what kind of person is the main character. Next time, include description, emotion and dialogue and this issue would be resolved. The beginning was OK, but it felt abrupt and too straight to the point. I think starting with some description of the setting would be a better idea. The ending was good. A logical one. Once again description would make it much much better. Overall, I think the story had/has a lot of potential. You just missed some key elements.(Description, emotion, dialogue.) Just don't forget them next time and I'm sure you're story will be very good!
I was running to my post on top of the stone walls that surrounded my city. My best friend Tirol was running next to me. "how much longer do the gaits have have?" I practically screamed into the night over the rocks that crashed into the wood houses of my home village. I grew up there I had parents, two younger siblings,and my girlfriend who I was fighting for. If not for them I would have probably ran under my bed and hide there till this was all over, even with them I was totally freaked. "a half hour at most" Tirol answered me breaking me out of my daydream. I could see he was pretty freaked out as well but was keeping it together a lot better then me. " what are our chances?" I asked him. "not very high" he answered grimly. We reached the wall and both took out our bows as we climbed up the steps. We reached the top and I looked out at our enemy and Tirol was rite, our chances were definitely slim. "only twenty minutes left for the main got" he shouted as I started to load my bow and shoot over the battlements. "well then let's make the most of it" I answered. I fired arrow after arrow but there were to many of them, there was no chance of victory. I heard the main gate's first crack. "five minutes tops" Tirol said, I heard the fear in his voice. It matched the fear I had, I thought of all the people I loved one after another. I was on the verge of tears. That's when I saw it, the last hope for my city the last hope for my normal life. In the back of their ranks I saw a open gold chariot which I knew their king was in. I heard a deafening crack as the main gaits turned to splinters. "they've gotten through" Tirol said satiating the obvious with a tear in his eye. I aimed for the chariot, my first shot fell far short from the target. I heard screams coming from the gait as brave men gave their lives for our city. I shot again, this time my arrow hit a guard near the carriage. More screams came from the gate as more people died I heard most of the archers around me crying or close to it. I took another shot, this time I hit. The effects were amazing, I heard a horn sounding to signal their retreat. My victory was short. I heard every1 around me shout for joy. We won, against impossible odds we won. But above the joyous shouts and the retreat horn I heard a faint whistling sound. I turned to the battlefield to see an arrow fly into my stomach. I fell to my knees clutching my stomach as blood seeped out. The irony of the moment didn't hit me then. how I had hit so many that night with arrows without thinking into it they were after all the enemy. But when I was hit by them even though I was the enemy it hurt like hell. Share panic didn't let that cross my mind at the time though as I blacked out. I woke up in a hospital room with my girlfriend Kyla holding my hand looking super nervous for I guess me. " you ok " she asked as she saw my eyes open. I could tell she was relieved at seeing me alive. " I'll live" I answered her not mentioning the insane amounts of pain I was in. " you're a hero" she said to me a bit exited her nervousness was all but gone." Tirol told us how you shot their king forcing them to retreat" " shore don't feel like a hero" I answered " don't worry" she assured me" the doctors said you'll be back to normal in month from now" she said as she kissed me softly and walked out. And despite the action my life returned (more or less) to normalcy.
Teacher: Cheesemuffin ----------- Student: Webs ----------- Theme: A soldier under siege. Overall grade: C ----------- Beginning: C ----------- Ending: C- ----------- Grammar: B- ----------- Spelling: C ----------- Emotion: F ----------- Flow: B ----------- Comments: I can see what you were trying to do, but it fails to lie up to it's full potential. For starters, your sentences have very little flow to them, simply going from one statement to the next. Also, your paragraphs have to be separated more. I couldn't read just three big blocks. SPELLING: I saw a good five-seven spelling errors there, as well as several grammar errors. Punctuation is key, and characters' speaking has to be separate. I'm sorry, but you've got some work ahead of you. But you'll learn.
TWA Assignment 2 Marcus feared death. He was having a nightmare, and the Grim Reaper was approaching him, steadily. Marcus screamed. Gong. Gong. The church bell rang clear and true through the darkness of night, calling out the beginning of the seige, and Marcus awoke from falling out of his cot. Groaning, he stood up and groggily donned his somewhat rusty, iron platemail. After equipping himself, Marcus grabbed his flail and snapped it securely in his belt. He ran a gauntleted hand through his disheveled brown hair, then decided against shaving the stubble off his angular face. No need to look good for a battle. As Marcus walked down the sturdy stone steps of Castle Umber, he felt the effects of last night's drunkedness. As he stumbled across the castle's beautiful and luscious courtyard, Marcus wondered why the soldiers preparing for the coming siege were giving him strange looks. "Son of a..." he swore as he remembered. Marcus was a member of the attacking army. Dashing through the now swarming enemy, Marcus recalled how he had snuck away from camp to find some booze, then happened upon a scouting party of drunk enemy soldiers. Now Marcus was desperately trying to work his way through the inter-gates and back to his army. "Where do you think yer goin', bub?" A tall, large, and bald man questioned. Beady eyes stared at Marcus as he struggled to find the correct words. "Not trying to desert, now arr ya?" The man growled. "Uhm ah er...no sir! Just uhm needed to...go...sir." Marcus stammered. The sweaty man grinned "Alright, jus' get back o'er there soon, mate. Dun wanna miss out on any action!" "Yes sir! Right away sir!" ****** As Marcus swung his flail at comrade after comrade, he was ashamed when they gave him looks of shock and betrayal. But the beady eyed man was close, and Marcus feared nothing more than death. After the battle, the beady eyed man, who Marcus learned was called Burnden, approached Marcus, followed by two beefy guards. "Aye, yeeve dun well in battle today mate. Unfortunatly, we dun have eny room for traitors." Burnden smirked maliciously. Marcus gasped "Y-you knew all along?!" "Acourse I did mate. I juss wannit to see ye kill ye friends!" Burnden laughed. "Haul him off to the dungeon, boys!" the large man hollered. Marcus could have escaped, but he wallowed in self pity and trudged his way to the dark corridors of confinement. Marcus feared death.