The Snip3r

Woah old thread just got bumped. At least it's by the author not the random nubs who bump dead threads.

 

Okay, okay. Sorry if this has already been said. I'm lazy, I know.

1.)TENSES. I know some people miss these. Heck, even Bruno Mars does it (It Will Rain). Always look for tense changes.

2.)Setting- I know you want to set a gorgeous scene. But descriptive paragraphs are a little obvious for my taste. Maybe slip more of that information into the actual story..?

3.)Vocabulary- Be consistent. You can't go from elegant scenery to 'nom nom nom.' Your reader goes, 'wut?'

Those are the most obvious things.

 

Fudge. Old thread. Oh well xD I needed something to critique.

 

Yeah but it might be continued considering it was the author who bumped it so your critique might go to good use.

 

I like it! Will you finish it?