Mine's goin in a weird direction lol. I had to put it down for a min. It started off as a guy in a public place terrified of people and turned into this prophecy thing lol. I'm almost to a good stopping point but i could see a story coming out of this.
I saw the new topic 10 minutes ago and I'm done here it is Eyeing you Your eyes lock on mine, Time slows as I see into your soul, No one knows that in one look, The cold person you were, Comes out and haunts me. Your hazel eyes lock on mine, Cold and hard, emotion wiped from your face, You stare at me. We both know what can never be told, Your eyes bare a secret, No one else knows. Though it only takes me seconds, To capture the message, You have always wanted me to remember.
Eye contact Another walking by, crying lies and times are coming. Another looking straight on razor's edge of satan's slumming. Look, look away, look away dont watch the eyes. I'm not here. They're not near. I cannot hear the cries. Another sits beside me with his brains displaying freely. The other tries to hide behind the glass so he can't see me. The voices cry so long and loud they know i cannot fight it. They hold the stick and bear the wick and hope that i won't light it! Look! Look away, dont betray them with a glance! You may like the fears inside you just give them a chance. Two more standing in a row. In hands they're bearing twins. Another screaming to my right condemns me for my sins! One is in the bathroom making sounds to drive me mad! The other tells me tales of friends i know he never had! Look away look away, close your eyes and nod them off. Greet them with a gesture and dismiss them with a cough. Another introduction, don't encounter! Don't befriend! Cause you know the voice inside has told you of the end. The bigger voice is visions; tangents of the days to come. It's very near! The signs are clear! The end has just begun! Don't look! Look away or you'll tell them of your dreams! Knowing what is coming's not as calming as it seems! Look! Look away. Don't make contact with their eyes. Push the haunting fear aside and hide behind the lies! The sweat is dripping down my chin. I feel the tension growing. My heart pumps wildly deep within, and time unlike is slowing, Now that that one's walking, that one's talking, another's laughing loud, crying out with joyous thunder; under pressure from all sides in and out takes it's measure on my measured thread and mind. Time and thought are all that matter. Look away! Look away! Just don't tell them of your dreams Knowing what is coming's not as calming as it seems! Look; look away look away. Don't watch their eyes. Push the haunting fear aside and hide behind the lies! Then Our eyes met. And the room Fell Silent.
As always distance I am in awe of you...and WW that was amazing!!! XDXD mine only pales in comparison to both of yours!
Wow, Distance and WW. Those are really great! Brightest Eyes You have brown eyes. They're rimmed with green. The brightest eyes Ive never seen. But then you look away from me. The brightest eyes Ill never see. And when you learn she kissed a guy, And those brown eyes will start to cry, The brightest eyes I'll never see Will finally look. And then see me. The brightest eyes I've never known, Held me close, gave love a loan, They looked at me, when I shed tears, They looked at me, thoughout the years. The brightest eyes I finally reach, Share some wisdome, have much to teach. Time will pass, but through it all, The brightest eyes are where I'll fall. 9/29/10
I'm gonna disagree w mine being better irin. You used progressive repetition to draw in the reader and told a complete story in 16 lines. Plus it flowed nicely. Yours was excellent.
My rhymes r at the end of long syllable count. I was afraid no one would catch the flow. except right at the end where the flow is even weirder.
Actually, I thought the rythm was really easy to pick up. It's one of the things I look for the most in a poem. I really liked the flow.
Do you remember the night of love at first sight When our eyes they first met And caught up in your net I fell head over heels For you I remember your eyes Like stars in the skies That glowed in the night Like embers alight As I fell head over heels For you I remember the lids Stained from teary tracked skids Stained with colours that glow That fell a rainbow Head over heels For you They burned like the sun As I claimed you my one Like the sun in the sky They made my heart fly As I soared head over heels For you I once spent a day Gazing your way Just to count all the shades That shone in their gaze Head over heels For you So I made you all mine For I wanted they're shine To be always near To banish my fear Head over heels For you Do you remember the night Of love at first sight When I first began to fall Head over heels For you