The poetry wars sign up

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by *lady-marian (01), Sep 25, 2010.

  1. Winter breeze:

    Dusty-
    good, most rhymes great, but a couple questionable.

    Kimber-
    you're great at rhyming, but I cannot stress though the importance of rhythm.

    Reapel-
    great! Good mix of rhyme and rhythm put u over the top!
     
  2. I didnt get judged 
     
  3. Yes kimber you may, but after.
     
  4. Oops! Missed yours klassic! I'm hurrying to much!

    Klassic-
    your rhymes were great but I don't like how you described the wind. It just doesn't appeal to me.
     
  5. No easy that was my poem
     
  6. Ya I did good for first poem!!!
     
  7. Lol im canadian, the cold is something you wouldnt like out here.

    Perspective is everything
     
  8. Believe me, I understand cold, us minnesotans, must adapt to the extremely warm, and extremely cold.
     
  9. I don't know cold at all. Where I live it never snows.
     
  10. After much thought and battery use, this is what I've come up with.


    Balancing act

    I wobble on the pole,
    Many feet above the ground,
    Holding on to my soul,
    The otherside is safe and sound.

    I'm riding on my bike,
    The training wheels are off,
    I'm just a little tike,
    My skin still baby soft.

    Sweat on my upper lip,
    I take another step,
    Fearing I might slip,
    But I must finish this treck.

    Swimming in a lake,
    I am a child now,
    Bitten by a snake,
    I'm in a bed, wondering how?

    Wobbling uncontrolabally,
    A breeze beckens me fall,
    I hold fast, and stand honorably,
    I continue on feeling small.

    Pressured by my peers, 
    For my first time I smoke,
    I'll keep this habit for years,
    But it will eventually be broke.

    Clinging for dear life,
    On the pole I swing,
    Like to my heart a knife,
    I'm forever balancing.

    Drawing is my passion,
    It's what I do for work,
    I have no need for fashion, 
    Deep in my basement I lurk.

    For a while it's been smooth,
    But following me are fears,
    That I forever try and sooth, 
    To get me through the years.

    Living has been tough,
    I've morgaged my only house,
    Starving, life is rough,
    I must find me a spouse.

    Almost tipped over the edge,
    I must get back on track,
    Mustn't fall of the ledge,
    No matter what courage I lack.

    My life is an act of balance,
    Of love, hate, and trust,
    To finally find the silence,
    Getting to the other edge I must.
     
  11. I love the rhymes, very creative with that, but some of the parts of the poem didn't seem to connect as much with the topic.
     
  12. Under -30 degree celcius weather + windchill and dry cold air from an island on the eastern cost air current and you have a different type of cold
     
  13. Best I've seen from you in this thread Marian
     
  14. But it's still cold. And it gets warm too.
     
  15. My poem is relating a balancing act to a persons life.
     
  16. Its a cold u dnt like for me lol, no matter how well ur dressed every bit of exposed skin will chill u to ur core, ur nose will hurt as u breath an air that freezes it
     
  17. Ok, I get it, it cold!
     
  18. Mine was guessing what cold would be like... I live in arizona where it hasn't snowed in 5 years
     
  19. mine was based on what i want winter to be like