My boot was squashed against the face of a small brunette who was waving her arms about herself frantically. I removed my foot.. "Oh sorry," i said non-commitally, "didnt see you there. Now where the hell am i?" The brunette started to answer when she looked back towards the sleigh and shrieked... "EDWARD!!!"
The brunette ran over to the body of a man lying completely still, crushed under the sleigh. "NO EDWARD NO!!!" she kept repeating the phrase over and over to herself, like a mantra. I shrugged, the chick was obviously mad and to be honest, i didnt like the fact that she had perfect skin...
I looked around trying to spot my fallen elf, literally, if i was to get home to the north pole in time for the festival then id need his geeky navigating skills. I spotted him, his head buried in the soft earth trying with all his might to free himself. I walked over to him... "You know Toby," i grabbed both his legs, and heard a muffled protest, but chose to ignore it. "if you'd listened to me when i told you i didnt give a **** about," i released his legs (he yelped) and made quotation marks with my fingers in the air, "getting to know the new sleigh team better," i grabbed his legs again, "we wouldnt be in this mess!" He gave up trying to free himself using his little arms and i tugged on his legs, until with a tiny 'pop' the elf tumbled out of the hole. He shook himself vigourosly and dusted off his hat which had remained in the hole.
He knocked some earth out of his pointed ears and went over to the sleigh. He looked curiously at the brunette huddled over the partially covered body of the man and poked her. "I think shes upset." My elf servant looked at me and gave me a look as if to say... 'no? Really?' and continued his observations of the brunette. After a further poke, after which he was ignored again, he simply pushed her gently aside and lifted the sleigh of the body one handed. The weeping woman took one look at the crushed body underneath the sleigh and vomitted...
Toby fiddled around with the dials on the sleigh for a while before he turned to me and bowed. "Finally!" i started towards the sleigh. I was almost there, when my path was blocked by the brunette. "What?" i said, irritated. "What do you want?" "You, you, YOU CRUSHED MY HUSBAND!!!" the woman shouted at me, spittle flying from her mouth. "WITH YOUR FREAKING SLEIGH!!!" "YOUR HUSBAND BUSTED UP MY SLEIGH *****!" i retorted. "Now move out my way! I have a festival to go to!" I tried to make my way around her but she blocked me again. Incredibly vexed now, i shouted "TOBY!" the little elf cane running...
"An elf?" the woman looked at Toby, amirking slightly. "You think a gay little elf is going to stop me...?" She ranted along in this fashion because of which she didnt notice the little elf's face growing redder and redder, his face screwing up in anger. You see... In elf culture, its very rude to talk about anothers sex life in the open... In fact it was so rude that little elves, when faced with passionate scenes while at the movies, closed their eyes and hummed to themselves while it ended. "Im a ******* VAMPIRE!" i realised the brunette, a vampire i had just learned (well duh) was still ranting and i took one look at Toby's little face and thought... Ooooh... She's in for it now...
"Well thats that i suppose. C'mon Toby." i picked the little elf up, placed him in the sleigh and hitched the reindeer team to the sleigh. I jumped on and with a whistle, Toby got the team to take a running start into the sky... "You've gotta watch what you eat Toby." i poked his mid-section. "You're getting tubby." My elf patted his belly, burped slightly and giggled. "Are we going to Olympus next? Ive got a score to settle with cupid..." FIN
NOTE: NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED. CHARACTERS TAKEN FROM SERIES OF BOOKS CALLED 'TWILIGHT' BY STEPHENIE MEYER. Thankyou for lending me Toby's name dino.