Chapter 13 Ok lets go jack said, go where, to the stars of aeraeol Oh, I said well lets get going, asset walked on I wondered what he meant by no more torture. As we walked on I saw a giant lake in the distance. Is that where were going? I asked yes, he replied as we neared it I saw that it had stars right above it I'm scared I said, really? he replied with a laugh
Finally we stopped walking. Now what, I said well do you're thing, he replied what thing! I said getting impatient you're ultimate power thiny, ok I said letting my body rise into the star strangely It didn't feel hot now! He yelled ok, I replied letting all my power build up and then everything stopped I was looking at my body and I wasn't in it I watched as it fell hit the lake and started sinking and the reflection of me was a ghost of myself and I heard jack saying grace grace GRACE!!!
Ok ill leave u in suspense for a while before posting the next part also tell me if you want me to do the secuel. "The forgotten star of aeraeol "
Your grammar is horrible. When someone talks, it SHOULD work like: He said, "blah blah." Your posts are also too short for substance, and the paragraphs so choppy it hurts to read them.
Chapter 14 And then it struck me .. my entire destiny flashed before my eyes. And then I was back in my body I shot out of the water as fast as I could "where were you? " jack asked "I don't know i lied," everything went black, "oh, " he said the way back I was saddened
You asked for feedback, I gave you feedback. Nobody here is obligated to be nice to you. Also, you may want to use commas to break up sentences, and semicolons to introduce pauses without ending a sentence; this is a good example.
Chapter 15 What? he asked me hmmm I replied "why are you so sad " do you want me to tell you honestly I asked him
Well yeah he replied ok I said ... "I learned my destiny when I was up there, " and I have reached my full potential I said with a small smile "oh" he said "what is you're destiny?" Id rather not talk about it, but I'm ready to attack the king and bring down is castle!
Chapter 16 Ok yelled jack for like the hindreth time does everyone know what their battalion needs to do yes came the general reply ok lets go. As we neared the city the guards set up cannons on the wall and started opening fire, I flew up and smashed the wall flat eliminating the entire city defense charge the rebels yelled, But I ran straight for the palace gathering all my energy together I ran into the throne room anseated on the throne sat the king peacefully counting his money
Chapter 17 I stared at him and said " you know you're entire city will be destroyed " No he replied however I do know that I will defeat you and he laughed a cold laugh Trying to take him by surprise I shot a arrow at him but he dodged and said "I know something you don't know ... I know how to fight "
I jumped at him trying to chop him In two but he parried I truer to swing down on him he. Blocked I focussed on shooting fire but he was to quick for me then he tried ti stab but I met his sword swinging him over my head slamming him on his back and before he could gey up I knocked his sword out of his hands ""mercy" he cried no I said angrily, please mercy no yes I changed my mind I'm no killer I said dropping my sword and turning around "but I am he said " stabbing his electrolyte sword
I jumped at him trying to chop him In two but he parried I truer to swing down on him he. Blocked I focussed on shooting fire but he was to quick for me then he tried ti stab but I met his sword swinging him over my head slamming him on his back and before he could gey up I knocked his sword out of his hands ""mercy" he cried no I said angrily, please mercy no yes I changed my mind I'm no killer I said dropping my sword and turning around "but I am he said " stabbing his electric sword in too my body
Ahhhhh I screamed as the familiar feeling went through my body this time I was really dead as my vision faded I saw jack run in stab the king and run over to me "Grace no he said I'm going to get a medic " NO I said ... jack its my destany no jack cried, no grace "I love you you cant die heal yourself " and then I died the end