The Kindest Dude in the World

I lol'd a lot.

 

Dicty! You're back!

 

Ah. Good to see you around though!

 

Huh? A 200 year old Rolex. 33% off list price? 6000 lira? Huh? Whuh? Please elaborate on this travel logue?

 

Hmmm..Rolex was founded between 1881-1905. As a tourist wandering around Manhattan, neck and head craned upwards staring with glassy eyed wonder at the heavenly heights of the man made edifices, casually and obliviously bumping into hasty New Yawkers, I suddenly found myself in a strange new universe? Where could I be? The street sign says 'Canal Street', but there is no canal. The signs all appear to be in....Chinese? I find myself in front of a 'neat' but 'chaotically' organized but cluttered shop where a seemingly 'kind dude' offers me a dim sum on a toothpick and a paper cup of tea. I see an authentic 'Tag Hëüäör' self winding watch MSRP $1079. The kindest dude in the world apparently follows my gaze or reads my my mind. 'You want watch? You like watch? No antique. Brand new modern technology. Best watch for you. See...work good. Keep good time for you. Aunthentic watch. Is genuine watch. For you fifty dollah.'
I say 'uhhhh, thirty five?' inquisitively. He says 'sold'. I give him the money. He gives me watch in bag. He says, 'you want box and certificate? For you big spender special price twenty dollar.' I say 'ten?' curiously. He drops authentic 'Tag Hëäüör' box in bag. He says 'have great day, thank you, thank you, have great day. Happy happy day'. I thank him and continue wandering and bumping into people until I find a font I recognize. Later, in a 60th floor sanctuary I find my $45 dollars got me an 'authentic watch', a 'certificate of authenticity, and an 'authentic box', with 8oz of authentic Chinese tea, and a satchel of 'authentic Chinese opium'. And I didn't even ask. Thank you kindest dude in the world.

 

Legit.

 

It was perfectly believable until the authentic Chinese opium part.

 

That has nothing on the kind man I met the other day.

I was walking through the Flea Market, hunting for a deal, when I come upon this vendor selling carpets.
The owner was also Turkish, and had a fine assortment, as referenced by the name "Fine Assortment Genuine Foot Cloths".
I gazed around his shop for a moment, taking in the quality vinyl materials, and greedily sucking in the faint scent of camel crap, before turning toward him.
"I want a carpet that makes me feel like I am walking on air." I said. He nodded, and stroked his lengthy beard for a moment, obviously in deep thought, before placing a hand on my shoulder.
"Come come, my friend. I have the perfect foot cloth." He beckoned toward the back of the shop. I followed him back there.
In the back, on the floor lay a carpet of such wild design and muddied colors, that it led the eye to believe it was a portal to another dimension, albeit one with muted colors.
"Genuine Arabian Kazbah." He said. "Very nice, very expensive. Five thousand American dollar."
My eyebrows raised. It was a good deal. I paused for a minute, then removed my shoes, so to test out this "Kazbah."
It was well starched, and stabbed my feet with it's ridged material.
I stepped off. "I don't know about five thousand..."
"For you my friend, 1000 American Dollar." He said. I stared at his beard, hoping that one day mine might reach such a size and length. And brown color.
"500." I said.
"Sold." He replied, taking my hand in both of his. He rolled the carpet up and handed it to me.
When I returned home, and unrolled it, I discovered a poop splotch in the bottom, the origin of which is mystifyingly unknown. But at least I got a killer deal.
Thank you, Kindest Dude in the World.

 

He was a very kind dude.

 

Lol. Surely other world 'shoppers' have tales they can share for this anthology?

 

Whatever you do, do not feed them after midnight and never ever get them wet. Or is that Barney's rules for dating? I get confused with pop culture references.