The KaW Chronicles Feedback

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by FeatherHunter, Jan 9, 2011.

Page 2 of 30
  1. Lol don't worry you'll be in soon
     
    #21 FeatherHunter, Jan 9, 2011
  2. I only just actually read the story, and every time I saw:

    "Cheese," I said, "The best blacksmith in all the Realm!"


    I laughed.... Lololol
     
    #22 cheesemuffin, Jan 10, 2011
  3. ๎—๎—๎—rofl
     
    #23 FeatherHunter, Jan 10, 2011
  4. CHAPTER ONE: (3/3) The centurions spy is up!!!!!
     
    #24 FeatherHunter, Jan 10, 2011
  5. #25 FeatherHunter, Jan 10, 2011
  6. FeatherHunter, I have only one complaint.


    Could you make cheese a little bit darker? He sounds too happy. Try to make him seem a little bit more grim.

    Besides that, cool story, broh
     
    #26 cheesemuffin, Jan 10, 2011
  7. I like it so far! Your on the right track. I'm eager to see what you do with Arria.
     
    #27 *Irin (01), Jan 11, 2011
  8. Oh yea! I got attitude!! Hehe
    Great post
     
    #28 Storallelite, Jan 11, 2011
  9. Lol the Heir of the Spys will take the stage soon.(Arria/Irin)
     
    #29 FeatherHunter, Jan 11, 2011
  10. Hmm Interesting But I think you could explain things in a more natural way.
     
    #30 TheMysteriousBox, Jan 11, 2011
  11. The tsk makes cheese sound old๎•
     
    #31 Empress_of_Shadows, Jan 11, 2011
  12. Back in my day, vampires sucked BLOOD, not DICK
     
    #32 cheesemuffin, Jan 11, 2011
  13. Lol we have no vampires though
     
    #33 FeatherHunter, Jan 11, 2011
  14. yay Cygnus sounds Batter cheese makes him sound to happy
     
    #34 Empress_of_Shadows, Jan 12, 2011
  15. Yeah...

    Also, try to speed up the action a little bit. It feels as if it's going just a tiny bit slowly
     
    #35 cheesemuffin, Jan 12, 2011
  16. I'm afraid I agree with cheese there.
     
    #36 Starwars6374, Jan 12, 2011
  17. Thx for the advice guys I'm gonna make it where the find like a hidden room inside the house that leads to Crinus's Passage because crinus's passage is secret
     
    #37 FeatherHunter, Jan 12, 2011
  18. Cheese I was wondering could we have like some editing sessions at the cafe for your parts
     
    #38 FeatherHunter, Jan 12, 2011
  19. It's good.... But Cygnus should have more parts.

    SELFISH SPAZM LOLOLOLOL
     
    #39 cheesemuffin, Jan 13, 2011
  20. Ok will do next time I think about him I'll contact you so you can get me proper dialogue fir the situation cause ur best at you :)
     
    #40 FeatherHunter, Jan 13, 2011
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)
Page 2 of 30