Yeah .... why is the axe thing so evil ..... aren't those guys supposed to be good And the blood spewing thing is just stupid
Well, umm, ok, you beat me. It takes days to kill in a evil persons hands, but instantly in a hero's hands.
Story time. In a castle northward of Ertod's home, in the very same realm, in the very same continent, in the same country, in the same city, just northward, a girl names Althea, a human princess who is an expert archery, received the same letter, this time with the Bow of Eternity. She showed this to the monks who ruled the castle and country ever since the old king died and a successor had not been found. An ancient law said that one person could never become complete leader of a country, a married couple would be king and queen if one of them has direct descent from the Royaltz family. The queen would rule more local things, like education and the building of homeland royal buildings, like royal libraries, royal schools, etc. The king would be in charge of outer affairs, like war, international relations, and raising the army. He also had control of all the armies, and therefore in control of all army training centers of the Wectel empire, homeland or otherwise.
I will introduce a new character soon and write much longer posts. Would it be easier for you guys if I make a feedback thread? I could.
And punctuation is because I'm on an iPod, so, I'll do better. It is on autocorrect, so it won't be that bad
Are you still working on this? I'm Soni, I don't claim to be an expert but maybe I can give you a few pointers? I love your idea! Weapons of legend coming back to save the world when it's in need and all that. It could use more description though. instead of "She showed it to the monks" you could do something like "Althea hurried to the temple. She burst through the doors, bow in hand..." Give the conversation where she showed it to them. It will give you more to work with, and will let you show her personality through dialogue It's called show vs Tell. You can tell the reader what happened or you can show it to them through what the character is doing. "She had blonde hair" is telling. "The wind whipped her golden hair around her face like a lion's mane." Is showing ;-) Same thing with "Who is an expert in archery". You can say that, and have the reader take your word for it. OR you can introduce her character while she's at the archery fields showing up all the warriors. Can't find my favorite Show vs Tell article but I'll let you know if I do. (And yes, I am aware of the disagreeing definitions of what show vs tell is) love this sentence! it's has a great pace to it. (though, I would end the sentence at "Althea" and make the next part a new sentence). I would definitely keep this. Does this mean she can rule once she is married? Are the monks really doing what's best for the country or will they try to stop her from taking her rightful place?! Do they have a husband in mind that will be a puppet for them? or does she have someone courting her who wishes ill for the kingdom but she is too naive to listen to the monks' wisdom? This is a great start for an impending political struggle, if you're going that route...