Not bad. Pretty good actually. Just a couple things I want to point out. 1) the writing quality is pretty good, but the grammar needs a little work. Other than that, very good! 2) I would also like to see more detail. Describe things a bit more. You're off to a good start! Keep it up!
It was just 4 ppl to get a sense of things now I'm going to turn on the power inside....BANG actually that's a little weird but I promise the finish product will kick butt.