Pfft, I'd like to see a child use a Desert Eagle without getting their wrist torn off. Plus, if he shot something that was powerful enough to rip through a skull, it would travel into the face of the child. This would render him dead on the spot, the rest of the story wouldn't have happened. Plus it is all too choppy and fast. Something that took you 5 lines would have taken me something more like 10-13 lines.
Ok I agree with paradox the dessert eagle would jack up their hand I mean shooting a sawed off shotgun I went pretty much flying backwards so a deagle would be crazy
(he was hoping to catch them off guard by attacking while they were still looking and the desert eagle is just foreshadowing)
Chapter 2 A strange disappearance The six walked out of the shop and headed down the street. As they were walking prim let out a fearful scream. "aaaahhhhhhhhhh help meeeee!" she cried. The others turned around to see prim being dragged into the shadows by her legs. Prims weapon was out of her reach and she was to far for any of them to reach. Prim was dragged into the shadows and her screaming stopped. When they reached the alley Prim was nowhere to be seen. Anthony went to pick up the gun and recoiled when he felt something slimy on it. "Look at this!" he shouted to the others. "it's covered in slime gross!" shouted Katherine. "Yes! But that tells us that whatever took Prim was slimy. which means we should be able to follow it." replied Anthony. Before they went to look anthony picked up the gun and put it in a holster on his belt. They went into the alley and looked for a trail of slime but found nothing. "look!" shouted Solin. "That's Prims headband!" cried Katherine. "Over here theres a trail of slime going up this fire escape!" shouted Serena. They began to climb the fire escape to search for Prim. When they reached the top the found a trail of slime that went of into the distance towards the tunnels that lead to the darkness below. "We have to save her!" bawled Katherine. "Don't worry we will even if it means we might not make it back!" replied Anthony. "Oh goody an adventure!" cried Solin.
Capitalization, cheese. Destroyer. If you want people to be kind, be at least polite and not pompous/elitist. Telling someone to get out will not raise my opinion of you, and it probably won't raise others', although I can't speak for them. If you want people to be accepting, such as FeatherHunter (whom you have such a high opinion of, apparently), you have to be acceptable.
By your rules I can now form an opinion of your little story. Three chapters; But I'm too le lazy, you have until Sunday night/Monday morning to sway my opinion of your story. May the odds ever be in your favour! Go. I'm waiting.
It's because his opinion hasn't changed. I'll give you the same as Paradox: May the odds be ever in your favor Although I hate Americans.
I'm canadian and also three chapters means #s the prologue is just the stories intro I haven't done chapter three yet you must wait for chapter 3 before you decide going by my rule
A prologue is a chapter, simply a starter chapter. A prologue should be one of your best chapters as it needs to grab a reader from the start.
The prologue, IMO, is the most important 'chapter,' because it sets the scene for everything. You can also use chapter one for this, but I prefer prologues. Again, grammar and no shorthand please.