No, I am not dismissing your story when I have little information on it. Your point is invalid, because I have read the summary and prologue. The writing style is choppy and it's post-apocalypse. That rings bells for me. When I see those two things, THAT is when I dismiss a story. I don't care about plot twists. Your idea is unoriginal and your writing style is not good. Please, stick to your electronics.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. DESTROY3r, you may be the dumbest freaking "elder" I've ever seen. Disassembled a PS2 and then reassembled it? AMAZING! "Storys are wat I excel at". Use grammar, mr. Genius Elder.
I said I figured out how to make a ps2 by disassembling it I didn't say anything about reassembling it learn to read also the prologue isn't supposed to be what you base an opinion on in a story you need at least the first three chapters to base an opinion but none of you want to accept me because you don't know me but I know each of you I watched you from your beginnings in kaw forums silently I watched and slowly formed opinions I'm sad to say my opinions were wrong on all except feather he is the only one who has proven my opinion correct and for that I respect him because he supported my right to be here he is a good person
No, I don't. YOU might judge based on first three chapters or more. I judge what I see. I can't judge what isn't there, no? And I'm sure you did. If you did: what was my inital username? Hmmm? One active person on FF knows this. One.
Page four. Go look. I did acknowledge your right to be here. That being said, I don't think you should be here. But that's a personal opinion, and just like you have the right to be here, I have the right to have an opinion.
Also. Ever heard of a run on sentence? I'm not trying to be elitist. This is criticism. Slightly less constructive than preferred, but criticism. If you can't take criticism, you won't get better. And if you don't get better, you'll continue to get criticism. Where, may I ask, is d_bo when you need him?
Ok, I see many flaws there, "Elder." What was my first forum name? And also, you sound a LOT more like a 9 year old than a "respectable Elder."
You have no need I watched from my beginnings is what I meant I typed a little to fast and my system lagged and skipped a word I don't know your original names
Mmmmm. If you had really watched me from your beginnings, you would have seen me as very impulsive, headstrong, and argumentative. Which is why I doubt you internet stalked us.
I kind of missed the point in that post. The point is, you would have the exact picture of us already if you really had stalked us.
It is a somewhat acceptable form of stalking. I'm not saying that to be mean or anything, that's just how I see it... Lol.
Chapter 1 Evil is a foot The mutant collapsed its head blown apart. A man stood in the broken window of the weapon shop. "Get in here now!" he shouted at the friends. They quickly scurried into the shop not wanting to get attacked again. "You kids are lucky I happened to be here, otherwise that mutie would have torn you all apart." he said to them. "Thank you for saving us." said Katherine. "I take it you kids are looking for weapons." the man said. "Yes we are!" they replied in unison. The man motioned towards a door and said "There are weapons in the back of the shop help yourselves." as he pulled out a human foot. They now realized he was a cannibal. This is bad Anthony thought what if he decides to kill us and eat us. He realized first and foremost he had to protect the girls even if it killed him. They went into the back room and found all kinds of weapons and armor. Anthony picked up a katana and tested it then resheathed it and put it on his back. Katherine picked up a dagger and threw it then sheathed it and put it on her belt. Serena grabbed a assault rifle. Solin grabbed a cz75 pistol. Prim picked up a desert eagle pistol. They were now armed. The man entered and lunged at Katherine with a butchers knife. Katherine screamed in fear. Anthony grabbed a colt pistol and fired a shot through the mans head killing him instantly. "That was a close one." Anthony said. "Who knows how many nut jobs there are down here." said Solin.
Criticism. First, your writing is choppy. It doesn't seem to flow right. It's just strange, it won't roll off of my figurative tongue correctly. Try to fix this. Second. You lack in some punctuation, such as commas between thought. Which leads me to this: indicate your thought SOMEHOW other than saying '____ thought.' Even if you do have it two ways. Third or fourth. I don't count. For dialogue, you need to return for each new line of dialogue from a different character. Ex. of proper usage: "Blah," said One. "Blah blah blah blah blah." "Blah." Two disagreed. "Blah blah blah blah." Improper usage: "Blah," One said. "Blah blah blah blah." Blah blah blah blah blah. "Blah!" Two said. See what I mean? Now this is constructive criticism. I'll pretend the last few pages didn't happen and give you another chance, because of your perserverance. Constructive criticism for your arguments: Don't mention irrelevant things. Stick to the point and prove what you have to say. If you can't prove it, you shouldn't be saying it. (Yes, I'm probably guilty of this.) Use. Good. Grammar. Self explanatory. Yes, it needs to be spoken staccato. Make yourself understandable and make your posts flow well. Don't jump around. Don't be pompous. It makes you sound condescending. The whole 'I respect you and treat you like an equal' thing is just kind of stupid, we weren't even talking about it. It has nothing to do with respect. See point one of argument commentary. Keep it simple. Just because you use 'long' words, doesn't guarantee anything. If you do, it's likely to look like you have to prove to us that you're 'intellectual.' That doesn't go by me well. Constructive enough for you? I want to hear you argue better next time.
Reasonable and constructive. I have just given you yet another chance. Here are tips: Correct capitalization. No abbreviations/acronyms unless they're reasonable. Puntuation. Spell check. Those are just a few. In exactly 18 hours, I will be back to argumentative. I'm simply in a good mood. It won't last long. Take the chance. Use the advice. Proofread your posts. Make sure you're not being pompous. Be careful what you say.