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The reason they're short is because I don't naturally just write. I mean, I do (d'oh!) but I can't go for a long time.

REASON BEING that every single time I write (I'ma call this Cheesemuffin Syndrome) I start to envision it. Now, this is normal, (double d'oh!) but I start to try to make it bigger and bigger and more epic, and eventually my brain outruns my writing and because of this hyper-thinking, thinking not just enough to come up with new story elements, but too much and causing Writer's block.

I write short stuff as a failsafe prevention of Cheesemuffin Syndrome.

And no, no new chapter today. I'm exhausted.
 
Great chapter, I didn't notice you wrote more of it The only thing is the whole jumping around from setting to setting thing, it gets a bit confusing. but the story is mysterious.
 
Wow, Cheese. It's been awhile since I've read anything you wrote (and I apologize for that). I must say, the quality of your writing has definitely improved. That being said, there are a few things I'd like to address.

I'd like to see you give your characters...more. You know what I'm saying? Like, if any one of them suddenly dropped dead from spontaneous human combustion, I wouldn't feel anything. I want to know more about your characters. Give them a little interaction, have them banter a bit. If you decide to kill of one of the good guys, I want to feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and my soul has crumbled to ashes and I will never ever ever ever feel happy again! I know you have it in you to rip my heart out. (and just so were clear, I do not mean that literally. My heart is perfectly fine exactly where it is, thank you very much.)

Another thing, the jumping around is starting to confuse me. Not like the switching from characters, but the switching from each action. I know I'm not explaining this well, so lemme try again.

The Writers Rum. I get that it explodes, and I get that it was being moved on the desert. (I think?) after that I lost track. Could you explain what your doing a little more carefully?

But seriously, it's pretty great so far. Keep it up. Oh, one more thing.

To late to make a character??

-Irin
 
Irin, if you make a character, it'll become #1 on my list of priorities.

As for those recommendations... I can try. I'm obviously not the best out there, but I can try to improve.

Just one problem. I'm already experiencing Advanced Cheesemuffin Syndrome, I've already got half the sequel figured out. I can't focus, or else I get too focuses, and I can't not focus or else the story trails off.


 
Could someone tell me what you would call a group of bad people? Like good people, Regulators. Neutral, Rogue.... Please?
 
Cheese, I know you can do it! Just think of how fun it will be to metaphorically rip out my heart!

And if I make a character, it won't mess up the plot, will it?
 
And if writing a banter isnt your style, start with feelings. For instance,

"Stora looked out into the fields, at the lifeless bodies, and a wave of hopelessness washed over her. 'How on earth could we win this war,' she thought."

Or...

"Cheese aloud himself a glance at the bloody corpses, resting silently in the fields, dead. 'Don't think about it.' He said to himself. 'Don't think about it. Stay focused.' For Cheese knew that if he let his thoughts linger on the dead, he wouldn't be able to fight anymore. Every time he looked at that field, he imagined seeing his friends there. That couldn't be Feather, with the knife through his heart. That wasn't Stora, lying in a pool of blood. No, his friends were here, right next to him, here now. What happened in the battle...that was in the past. What mattered now was the future, and he would do everything in his power to change it."

Let me know if this helps.
 
Stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID!

How did I not think of doing that!?
I'm smart, but lack any common sense whatsoever.

Thanks, Irin :D

*facepalms self with a spiky glove set on fire*
 
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