(present time, city) Damon was leaving the school when he sees Daniel standing my his car and stopped before he got in. "What do you need?" "I know where Kitty is. The school got a phone call from a school over on the next state. It's a school in the country. They were getting Kitty's records. I heard it when I was up in the guidance office helping out during my study hall. I know exactly where to find her as well. I got an address of where she is living. We need to go get here. I can't stand the worry about if she is alright. When should we leave?" "I would say tonight but we promised Kara we would wait a week so we have six more days. Why does she want us to wait?" He saw Daniel sigh and held still. "She is coming to the age that she will be able to change. She wants to help us. She made us promise to wait a week because in five days she will be sixteen and that night she will change for the first time. If I remembered that when we promised I wouldn't have promised. I'm not letting my little sister get hurt. We will leave tonight." Daniel walked away and Damon went on home to pack his stuff for tonight. He would be ready to go save Kitty. He had to. He had a strange feeling that she is unsafe with Jake and he can't stand to let his hands be all over her. Not like the others. (present time, Country) Kitty is changing clothes and is getting ready to go out with Jake even thought she knows she doesn't want to. She put on a cute short skirt and a shirt to match. She walked out of her room and walked up to Jake smiling. "How do I look?" She turned around slowly and giggled as she was turning. Jake smiled and grabbed her. "You look wonderful my little Kitty cat. Lets get to the car and go so we can get to the movies before it starts." They walk to his car and get in. They rode to the theater and she giggled and laughed at his jokes. He held her close while they waited in line for the tickets and bought the tickets. They had just gotten drinks and popcorn and sat down when the movie started. They sat together and watched the movie. Kitty laid her head on his shoulder and watched thinking if the next thing to do to get his mind off of keeping her at home. She missed Damon and she was ready to go home.
Thanks... And its supposed to be in paragraphs!!! When I typed it it was in paragraphs so Idk y when it shows up here it never it DX
Quite a few grammar and punctuation issues. The paragraph thing, yeah but that's easy fixed. Decent enough story. Although I do agree with swagger. At times it's difficult to read due to it sounding like a list. A bit of work, and you have something. I'm guessing you're relatively young, and learning. A good basis for more to come.
Yes I am young... I'm 17... And this is the first story I've ever written like this so... Mostly I'm good at writing scripts cuz I have to for school...
Yeah you can tell that you're young, but that's not a bad thing. The more you do the better they will get. Story writing is hard, and you have made a good start. Keep at it.
Thanks... And I will keep at it... I need to get good at writing so I can write scripts anyway... One day u shall hear my name... I plan on becoming famous in Hollywood by maybe becoming a movie producer or editing... I'm great at editing... Btw I'm Kim Newman
(present time, city) Damon is going to his door to open it and sees Daniel. "Are you ready? I say we drive my car. It will be faster." "Yeah. We just need to get Kitty and bring her home. I just can't stand her not being safe. I'm worried he's hurt her or something. Are you all packed?" They walk to Damon's car and put their bags in the trunk and get in the car. "I'm ready to beat Jake's ass and get Kitty back. It's been far too long having to go without her. I'm going to get her this time." Damon starts driving down the road to where Daniel told him to go. Later on that night it gets too late that thy stop at a small hotel and check in. They go to their room and sit on the beds talking. "So what is the promise you made to you father?" "I promised him I would watch after Kara and Mom no matter what happened. That's what I'm doing.". Daniel sighs and thinks about that day. He was only nine when his fatherl made him make the promise. When his father left them. (Flashback) Daniel was standing there with his father alone in the kitchen while his sister and mom were asleep. "Daniel, I need you to promise me something and you have to keep it no matter what happens.". Daniel's father watches him closely and looks sadly at Daniel. "Ok dad, but what is it?" "You have to watch after your mother and sister. Protect them for me. You will be the man of the house. I have to leave. If I stay I will put you all in danger. I have done something that is very bad and I have to leave." "What did you do Dad? Why does it make you have to leave?" Damon start to cry, but his father grabs his shoulders and made him look him in the eyes. "I killed someone. A vampire that was very important to our society. If I stay here they will come here after me and kill you all. Don't cry because I have to leave. Just be the man of the house and watch after your sister and mother. Please Daniel you will be strong enough to care for them." "Yes, Dad, I will watch after them and care for them. I promise Dad. I love you Dad." Damon hugs his dad and watches as his dad turns around and walks to the door. "Goodbye son. Remember your promise." He watches his father turn into a dark black wolf and run off into the distance of the night and sat on the floor crying. (present time, hotel) "Daniel, hello? Snap out of it!" "Huh? Oh, sorry. Just thinking." He sighs and lays down in the bed and tried to fall asleep. "Just focus on getting Kitty back soon. Even if we have to kill Jake. We will get Kitty back." Damon falls asleep and soon after Daniel falls asleep. (present time, country) Kitty and Jake are on the way back from the movie. She keeps thinking about Damon. She loves him and yet she has to be away from him and what's worse is that she is with the vampire who killed her family. They pull into the yard at his house and Kitty gets out and goes to her room. Ten minutes later she hears a knock on the door. She open the door and it's Damon's brother. She sighs and looks at him. "What do you want Eric? I just want to rest." "I know you are playing my brother. I want to know why." "I don't know what you are talking about. I'm not playing Jake. I love him." She closes her eyes and fights tears adage says it. "I know you don't love him. Why are you making him think you do?" "Listen Eric, let me be. I'm just doing what I have to. I just want to get out of here and back home so I can be with..." Kitty fell to the floor and started crying thinking of Damon. "Kitty!" Eric grabs her and carries her to the bed and lays her down. "What's wrong? Why are you doing this to my brother? What do you want? Who do u want to get back to?" Kitty grabs Eric and holds him close and cries on his shoulder. "I want to get back to Damon! If I make Jake think I love him and he can trust me maybe he will let me leave on my own and I can run away. I love Damon. I want to be with him. It hurts being away from him!" Kitty cries for several hours on Eric's shoulder until she cried herself to sleep. Eric laid her down in the bed and covered her up before he left her room and turned off the light an locked the door.
I will have to wait a little before I keep adding to the story... I have to work on a research paper on John Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men... So I won't be on much or writing... Please be pacient and I promise I will try to get more wrote soon... I may be working on this paper for about a month or two though so
I'm sorry... I'm just trying to work on my school work... I have a due date on it and I only have so much time... I'm working on the story just slowly though
U try having to do a research project and write... It's not easy... I have to write a paper as well and my school pear is coming to an end so exams r coming up as well... I am a junior this year and I need to make it to my senior year