Oppidum Pecularis ~ Feedback

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by -DaveStrider-, Feb 23, 2013.

  1. I guess I must've read some of this :D
     
  2. I sense a lack of Banderness though
     
  3. I sense too much Banderness xP
     
  4. I didn't think those words could be arranged like that...
     
  5. Alright, Clannies, let's not spam up my thread, a'ight?
     
  6. :D Amazing Storry Kat!!!:p Now I Wanna Write One XD
     
  7. Lol put me in the story :D
     
  8. Naw, I'm not taking any character requests. Sorry, but I have a lot of plot ideas. Anyone wanna say what they think will happen next?
     
  9. Awh why not?!?:p
     
  10. I only have room for a select few characters in the plot.

    Ps. I have the prophecy written and stuffs, and I already know how this book will end.
     
  11. Oh....put me in the next book!!!
     
  12. I'll try. Anyways, I'll post the next chapter.
     
  13. Its great, is I in the book?
     
  14. Nu Shocky,If I'm not in the book then you're not! :p
     
  15. B..but fire.. *runs to pm and dies*
     
  16. XD COME BACK AND LET ME LOVEE YOUUUUU-glomps- :
     
  17. :3* lol XD face fail!
     
  18. Chapters 8, 9, and 10 are up!
     
  19. I read through Chapter 5 so my feedback may not be credible but I just wanted to say a few things:
    1. I like the story so far, it is very original which in this case is good.
    2. The names seem rather bland (Jason, Chase, Jenna). When you read a lot, hearing the same names over and over is repetitive.
    3. Why is she walking around with a bow and arrow then hopping on hover boards? Seems like a pretty big technology gap there.
    4. Try to describe things more. You have this huge hidden technologically advanced city and describe it very briefly. It's hard to picture in my head.
    5. How did Jenna know his name was Jason? (sorry if you cover this later in story but that just stood out)
    6. All the characters seem to be friendly and happy toward complete strangers.

    Please take this with a grain of salt. I am not the master writer and it's your story and i havent read it all yet. I think it's one of the better ones I have read so far but those were just some things I wanted to point out.