Operation:interception feedback

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by german_idiot, Aug 29, 2010.

  1. Sweet man can't wait for it either
     
  2. Love the story so much that's why I want more of the story to come out
     
  3. Ok gg I'll try and get them out Friday or Saturday
     
  4. iRate Official Review [/size
    Operation: Interception 
    By: German_idiot
    Genre: Realistic Fiction/Sci Fi
    Rating: 

    This is an excellent story with plenty of setting description, and verb difference. It is well organized and for the most part flows smoothly. 

    However, the changes from scene to scene tend to be too abrupt and needs more transition from one scene to the next to make it less confusing. 

    The emotional chord is also somewhat lacking, it's had to connect to the character. One example of this would be the character Bastion. When Bastion turned out to be a traitor, the reader didn't really feel sad. You didn't really give him enough "screen time" to let us feel the loss. Maybe you can include some flashbacks or something so we can really feel his absence. Being a guy though, the lack of emotional chord is understandable, but not necessarily a good thing. Try to let the reader connect with the characters more.

    Overall great job, other than those minor issues, it is an excellent piece of writing! Keep up the good work! 
     
  5. iRate Official Review
    Operation: Interception 
    By: German_idiot
    Genre: Realistic Fiction/Sci Fi
    Rating: 

    This is an excellent story with plenty of setting description, and verb difference. It is well organized and for the most part flows smoothly. 

    However, the changes from scene to scene tend to be too abrupt and needs more transition from one scene to the next to make it less confusing. 

    The emotional chord is also somewhat lacking, it's had to connect to the character. One example of this would be the character Bastion. When Bastion turned out to be a traitor, the reader didn't really feel sad. You didn't really give him enough "screen time" to let us feel the loss. Maybe you can include some flashbacks or something so we can really feel his absence. Being a guy though, the lack of emotional chord is understandable, but not necessarily a good thing. Try to let the reader connect with the characters more.

    Overall great job, other than those minor issues, it is an excellent piece of writing! Keep up the good work! 
     
  6. I hope it's four outta five stars 
     
  7. Darn submit button
     
  8. Crayz's unofficial, short n' sweet rating

    operation interception
    German_idiot

    
    
    
     
  9. Can someone bump the story so I can read it?
     
  10. I did fang hope u enjoy
     
  11. Yup I liked it
     
  12. Lolz ur doin awesome idiot keep it up  im actually really likin it  5/5
     
  13. I'll take that as a compliment colt
     
  14. Lol  it is
     
  15. Next two chapters up sorry for cutoff
     
  16. Wait my character isn't 1 of the 5 but he still helps rite?
     
  17. I like your story German, I can't wait to read more!
     
  18. U come in a couple more chapters bjorn don't worry