Really? That's surprising, I learned that you could never put a . Then "but". You learn something new every day!
Sigh.... The effort put into writing a story well enough for me to feel like it to be suitable for everyone to read... gets noticed not It makes me sad
Honostly... Keep going. I like it so far. I think that this could really go somewhere. A couple of things though: A: Let me get into the characters haed. Let me see what he is seeing, feel what he is feeling. I know that you are only a couple chapters in, so this doesn't apply YET, but it will soon. My example is this: If you decide that you want to kill of Number 8, don't just let me see you stab a knief through him and be done with it. If you decided to kill anyone off, I want to feel like I'm the one dying. I want to feel like you ripped my heart out and stomped on if and that I'll never be happpy again because that character was so amazingly great that I can't go on in a world without him. Okay, so...maybe that was...a...LITTLE overdramatic, but ya get my point? I want to feel some emotional attatchment to Number 8/57/3 ect. How do you establish emotional attatchment? Develope the character. Give them little quirks. Like one doesnt like hights or one says 'Like' too often, or one is grammar natzi. Something that people can relate to. Make your characters imperfect. Make them emotional. Because some people think reading a book about a main character with the emotional range of a rock is quite boring. That being said, you are putting some emotion into your characters. Just not enough. So kick the notch up one or two, and you are set. B: Plot. I like it so far. Very interesting and mysterios so far. Can't wait for more. C: Description. Good so far. Just give me more, okay? Overall you are doing very well. Keep it up!