LoKaW Feedback - Both Versions

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by cheesemuffin, Dec 27, 2011.

  1. Any idea if cheese will be updating today?
     
  2. YAY! THANKS ;)

    PS: No idea...
     
  3. Your writing is much more coherent this chapter FH. My only question is when do I come in 
     
  4. GOD DAMN THE SICK AND TWISTED DEMON WHO DECIDED THAT I NEEDED TO WRITE FOUR PAGES OF CRAP ABOUT GOVERNANCE IN AFRICA.

    I can't go to sleep til my bedding's washed, so I'll just write something for the next hour or so.
     
  5. You don't have more than one set of bedding?
     
  6. ^We do, but we switch every week, and wash everything every two weeks.

    At least that's how my mom describes it.
     
  7. we switch ours whenever it starts to smell enough that we can notice it. Lol
     
  8. Are you saying my writing was coherent in the last installments? :(
    You'll be in very soon, btw ;)

    I only bought one set of bedding that matches my room, so I just wash the comforter and sheets every week.
     
  9. Heh feather I thought I'd never say this but me likey your book
     
  10. Cheese, I must say, I am very impressed with your introduction. Well done! I'll be looking forward to more soon I hope.

    Feather, I am sifting through the forums for yours now.
     
  11. Great as usual feather, and yay! One of my fav mods r in it now ^.^. this story sounds like a real published novel! Keep up the good work ^.^
     
  12. It's on the first page, Irin!
     
  13. THANK YOU, TIGRIS! ^.^

    Irin, are you sure you didn't read mine on accident and thought it was cheese's? Cuz if you did ok disappointed ;( Mine is on the first page and has Swabia in it.
     
  14. Nope. Cheese's was cheese's. I'm just blind, apparently, and didn't see it at first. But it's all good, and I found it. YAY!

    Equally impressed with the discriptions, but be careful, since it can get a tiny bit wordy at times. Other than that, very well done to the both of you. It's quite a tale you both have woven.

    Would it be improper to say moar?
     
  15. Of course it would, Irin. I don't believe in MOAR. It really isn't good enough feedback.

    And I don't think this has ever been done in the history of KaW's Fan Fiction, has it. Two stories written at the same time with the same main focal point but completely different events and version of events, subplots, and details.

    Irin, what do you mean wordy? Like super big words? Or like too many small words? Or too many words to describe something that it confuses the reader so they have a snowball's chance in hell at understanding what's happening?
     
  16. Tigris, are you talking about Benny when you're talking about your favorite mod?
     
  17. One of my favs is Benny yea ^^
     
  18. I think it might be a slight combination of the former and the latter. Then again, it's 4 minutes pass midnight here, so my feedback may not be accurate. I'll let you know at a more decent hour. It may be that I have been reading things with different words and different styles and different subjects all day, both before and after conquering the Aztecs (I'm being literal when I say that) And I just wrote some nonsensical something becasue Irin is depressed and possible mentally insane and probably shouldn't be allowed to carry weapons, and for some reason, everything I read/write is comming out in my mind as a conversation in a british accent, and I think Niri might be looking at me.

    So it's probably all that crap, and your writing is perfectly fine.
     
  19. Lol I feel ignored

    *sigh*
    It's good to be back
     
  20. I haven't fallen asleep! I'm writing!
    But the bed is SO WARM