LoKaW Feedback - Both Versions

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by cheesemuffin, Dec 27, 2011.

  1. And that's how you know it's a good chapter.
     
  2. Haha its nice. Is this the part where I come swooping (falling) in through the roof?
     
  3. Sorry, I dont quite remember well enough but in the last one didn't I kill a mod in midair? Or was that a dream?
     
  4. In the last one... I think you did. I also made it do Benny went batshit insane and got killed by having his wings torn off.
     
  5. Oh yeah, well I'll be lurking off topic and such if you need me
     
  6. Loving the update.
     
  7. I will slaughter you slowly if you don't write another one.

    Jk. But anyways. I think this leans more toward the violence side. But you included fire. And weapons. So I'm happy.
     
  8. Cheese
    As i havent read Feather's story yet.....I like your story ; however, you are mixing elements of KaW style ( swords and magic) with modern day-type weaponry, such as flint-lock pistols and mortar fire. I'd like to see it purely one style for cohesion.

    also, the forces are only fighting mod kingdoms? Since I have a vested interest in this (lol) I will suggest you pick an enemy we are all can fight against; evil forces, demon hordes,etc. Moderators are just players with unlimited speakers and a silence button. We are not infalliable. You could have them be war generals, silent sentinels watching the balance of the "world", or protectors of the scrolls of tou or something.

    Well, thats my two cents worth :) Nice read over coffee.
     
  9. Feathers one is kinda poop...
     
  10. Well, in this particular version (I have plans for the sequel for something more along your lines), they're part of a corrupted system that the Admin rules.

    By all means they are killable, in the first make of this story I made it so Benny died.
     
  11. Sounds exciting
     
  12. Sequel, you say? :)
     
  13. Oh, believe me. I'be been developing it in my mind since part 2.

    I won't spoil anything, but Dumbledore does!
     
  14. Dumbledore!! :cry:
     
  15. D: NOOOOO! YOU RUINED IT!
     
  16. Wait, we're ruining plots?
    *Cracks fingers*
    Let's get started.

    On a demanding note, I better appear in the next one, Feather included me before you did D:

    If you were looking for feedback from me, tough love.
     
  17. But... But the story's like three posts away from clompletion.