LoKaW Feedback - Both Versions

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by cheesemuffin, Dec 27, 2011.

  1. The new chapters are good but too short maybe more description too
     
  2. My ipod got stolen... all is lost. The whispers of creativity grow fainter everyday. Blood runs from deep wounds all over my body, as I accept defeat.
     
  3. *slowly backs away from Feather*
     
  4. Can i be in it? heres a bio.... i havent done this in forever...

    Delphin
    Age: 17
    Appearance: Short brownish-blonde hair(dirty blonde) Roughly 6' tall. just under 200lbs. Honestly, built like a bloody brick wall. a long jagged scar on my right shoulder, several lesser scars on my hands. Ice blue eyes, long nose and thin eyelashes. Always at least slightly tan skin, wears jeans and usually a thin black over jacket with the right sleeve pulled up to elbow.
    Weapons: 2 9mm handguns holstered at each side, and a katana on my back. (i actually own this equipment in RL.)
    Vehicle: Black 1300 Suzuki Hayabusa Motorcycle(i wish)
    Personality: I haven't a clue. I like to go fast, but im also always calm and collected. i make mistakes but i admit them. Im overly flirtatious, and i can be very cruel with words. I like dark colors, and enjoy reading as much as KaWing. I dont really pay any attention in school, but im still passing with around a 60%. I try to plan every big movement i make carefully, but alot of the time i just wing it(like i am now) And... idk. Is that enough? Feel free to make changes or add, take away, whatever.
     
  5. ^ Great.

    I'll just change the weapons and vehicle to something more medieval.

    Good character, Delphin :D
     
  6. Could you possibly make my character less wimpy? XD
     
  7. ^He's got a set of SPACE MARINE armor and a lightning hammer. Deal with it.
     
  8. 'Smighter's uncoordinated attack...' (Be back with more ex.)
     
  9. 'Gust of wind knocked Smighter off his feet...'
     
  10. ^He gets drunk easily.

    Uh... His armor has an extra ton of weight on the right, making it unbalanced?

    Anyways, here's why. Without his Space Marine armor, he is just a nub.

    With the armor, which he just made recently, and is only just wearing now, he is DER ÜBER BAUSS.
     
  11. >_> I'll let this slide. Lol
     
  12. We can sign up? :O
     
  13. BU.I.C.REALLY-.
    FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...
     
  14. Forgot to post the sign-up.

    Name: Platinum

    Age: 22

    Male

    Short black hair. About 5'9 with a medium build though. Has big hazel eyes and a small scar to the right of his right eye. Red-colored Dragon Armor.

    Weaps: Switch-Blade Staff and the Gravity Sword, just like my Revolution sign-up. (More details on pg.17 in Fan Fiction.)

    Personality: Calm and relaxed. He is ready for battle when the time is right. He can solve disputes among others. He can be a little carefree, but in no way lazy.

    Misc.: Makes his money from the art of ally trading.

    Change or remove whatever you want

    TPP: The Cat's Meow since 2010 ;)
     
  15. “God has given you one face, and you make yourself another.”
    - Hamlet to Ophelia
     
  16. Behold! I have uploaded the newest part of LoKaW!

    Wait... I promised Revolution, didn't I...
     
  17. Sorry about that. Unfortunately, I won't write any more tonight!