Stora, obviously, sent me that feedback. Does anyone agree? Per user request, I am bringing you a sneak peek! This is all subject to change and edits so... Grey light filtered in from arched glass wall to my west, giving the room a picturesque look. Light on the west side, Feather thought. Must be morning. A bordered desk and a bookcase with several books lining each shelf sat on either side of the bed Feather was in. He sat up, peeling his blue covers back. He shuffled out of bed, his feet sliding into his warm slippers. Feather yawned loudly and looked out the window. Storm clouds were gathering outside, lightning flickering in the distance. The first drops of hot rain water slammed against the glass wall. Feather went over to the eastern glass wall, the one on his right – which wasn't arched, just a plain rectangle – and saw that storm clouds were brooding in the distance on this side as well. “Looks like I'll be inside all day,” He said dejectedly. He went over to his bookshelf, selecting a random book off one of the crammed shelves. He sat down at his desk, looking at the book's cover. Innocence, it read. Feather, already intrigued, eagerly began reading. He was laughing out loud two hours later, realizing what the author had done with the names of two characters. Irin and Niri! Feather thought. Genius... Suddenly, Feather stopped laughing. He set down the book quietly, getting up from his desk and moving swiftly to one side of his doorway, making it so he was hidden from view. He listened intently for a few moments before he heard it again: tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap... Someone was in his house, in his hallway, heading for his room. The intruder stopped at the edge of the doorway, still not able to see Feather. The intruder finally stepped into the room – and was promptly tackled by Feather A woman's face stared up at him, her eyes searching his face for an answer. To what, he was unsure of. She was clearly startled, and so was he. For several minutes, he just stared into her eyes, her dark blue eyes. He finally stood up and held out his hand. The woman's red velvet hair fell over her face as she rolled to the side, avoiding his hand entirely. She gripped the doorknob as she got up, giving Feather a harsh look. “Why did you attack me?” She shrieked angrily, grabbing him by the collar of his nightshirt. “I–I don't know you.” Feather stammered, wishing he knew what was going on as well as wishing he'd brushed his teeth. “My name is Pimella. We've gone through this process for at least two weeks now, but this is the first time you've ever tackled me,” Pimella said, brushing a kiss across his cheek and giving him a secretive smile. Her smile was quite dazzling in Feather's opinion. “Why don't I remember you?” Feather said uncomfortably, removing her hands gently and backing away from her. “Because of what they have done to you. When I found you, you're nose was bleeding and your whole body was shaking. I ran back to my village and went to my room, where I got my nosebleed salve. I poured some on a rag, drowned the rag in water, and ran back here as fast as I could. I put the rag to your nose so you could breath in the vapors, but you fought me and hit your head hard on the wall and had a concussion. You have a nosebleed every day – or night, at midnight, when they infiltrate your memories and change them. I've been attempting to heal you, but you block my powers.” Pimella said, walking towards him again and putting her hand on his cheek.
Feather, I am absolutely ooozing with anticipation over this chapter, and the next, and the next. Believe it or not, this is one of the best pieces of literature I've read in a long time, even in rl. And I mean that!!! keep it up!
So, do you think my characters are believable enough and that more description is needed? (referring to stora's feedback) And developing Pimella as a core character will be hard. Any special requests?
I think your characters r great how they r and u may add more detail as u plz but I don't think that it is needed, and none in particular
Thanks Tigris Wait. What do you think of the set up(each characters PoV per part of the story), chapter one title, and specific characters like yourself or Feather. Conveying emotions is what I'm working on atm.
Set up is perfect in my opinion, obviously well thought out :3 and as for the title lol I never think much of titles, but for the characters, u r definently provoking the feeling of rising action with the way your characters act, very well done.
I feel like alot of the stories in FF are about: War Fighting Battles I want my story to having meaning. I don't want it to be all fight fight fight. Battle battle battle. War war war. Cuz that's unnecessary. I want it to be a internal battle. I want deception, lies, murder, blood, AND war. I want torture, conspiracy, truths, disguises, AND fights. Several of my characters will do things in the morally grew area. They will have to FIGHT battles within there MIND. I also feel like there is always an antagonist in every story and that is stupid. Not every story needs to be about finding the killer to save the world. Save the split essence freak, save the world ( the save the ______, save the world part) is from a movie I watched lol. Maybe I'm being hypocritical lol.
You're not in it yet. You will though. Go to the sign up thread, read the first post, then make a sign up for me please ;D