So, some commentary about Chapter One: Q: Who was this chapter inspired by? A: Well, at first I wanted to continue with the initial story arc, which I named Memories Lost. Now, I sort of went back and revealed part of the Treason story arc, by letting it appear that Bellemorte has a problem with her ability, adoptive muscle memory. In actuality, well, I can't reveal too much. Truth and Lies, another story arc, ties in with the aforementioned one. The readers have to think about some things, such as: Why is Bellemorte losing control? Is she lying, or putting on a show? Who is speaking in Feather's mind? et cetera. Q: What happened to Tigris? A: Nothing I can reveal at the moment. Q: Is she in trouble? A: I laugh at that question, sir. She most certainly is in trouble. Q: When will Storallelite make another appearance? Can you reveal more of her story? A: [/i]We will be seeing more of Stora soon. I can't pinpoint for you when, because that will ruin some things, but we will see her. And I plan on elaborating on why she is in the forest, et cetera. Now I have to go finish some things on my outline. Talk to you later.[/i] Q: Wait! You never answered my first question! A: Oh yes brother, I seemed to have neglected to do so... It was inspired by Bellemorte, except I had to shut down that train to introduce Stora. Bellemorte is my reason for the title of Chapter One. I decided to downplay Bellemorte, and save it for another time.
Just read your chapter and only one thing I can say: Confusing Too much jumping around, i don't get the date/time thing, too much scene change, it's hard to keep track with what is going on. Everything else is good though, I think from what I know the plot is good but you need to take it slower or maybe the way you write just confuses me. (my vocab and stuff isn't the best unfortunately.)
Lol, Stora Is the time confusing? Morning Moonlight is AM and Night Sunlight is PM... I think. The rays determine the hour. I'm revealing Feather's portions of former events, meaning events happening BEFORE the present day THROUGH the flashbacks. I can understand how it might be a little confusing.
Yeah. I think you should take it slower for sure then. Maybe one flashback per chapter rather than three. Try and expand on it.
Yeah or limit it to two flashbacks. But expand on the plot, description and character development of the characters for each flashback. You don't want to give too much info but at the same if you give too little info people will not understand.
All of them really. Stora and Pimella are good i think. But I feel there are still a lot of blank spots for feather that the reader should know since he is the main character. Or the flashback scenes just should've given a bit more detail. Though I suppose you could be aiming for short disoriented flashbacks. But at the end the character should organize the thoughts a bit.
Erm...I can't think of any right now...I'm reading Romeo and Juliet right now, I have an exam tomorrow so I'll pm you later if you don't mind?
No one cares what you think, dude. I hate hurting people's feelings sometimes but it's the truth. I already banned you from this thread. If you post again I'll report you.