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Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Lil_Tiger, Jan 2, 2013.
yea. posting the prologue tomorrow would make me happy
Tris will return, and Chris goes to him for help on a few occasion.
I've only read through chapter 5 so far but this is really good. You used a lot of detail and the chapters are really long. A few comments/ critiques, near the beginning the news reports it is most likely it is a young female killer, this would never happen in RL. Not only is it difficult to profile a killer after only one murder but also so quickly after, but the police would not share this information. What the press would emphasize is the ONE carved in the wall. Also about throwing the knives, not realistic, plunging the knife into Jade's heart would have been much better. Another thing that would have made this more believable would be if it were a small liberal arts college not a middle school. Also you said you were having difficulties putting human aspects into KC because she didn't show any emotion to the kill. This is a classic psychopath. She doesn't feel emotion at all, she merely mimics it. Because of this it would be more believeable if she was in her early 20's killing other college students. Final point. You keep bringing up military fathers making me feel as though this is commonplace for you, however I've never met such a collection of military fathers in a small New Englandy type school.
Sorry for the long post.
No no, it's good. Give me a moment
Ok after finishing it its a great story, a few things here or there that were a little off but still an amazing read. I'd give this 10/10 definitely the best I've read on FF, and I read stuff here back when FF was popular 3 years ago.
Definitely one of the best threads/reads on FF. A few mispellings/missed punctuation here and there, but nothing a read over or two would fix.
9.9/10 or 10/10. I can't decide
^ then go with 9.99999/10
Definitely deserves it
Ahh, a masterpiece!
I still remember this story after all these years. And I still love it. I'm leaving my mark here.