Answer every question with addicted. What do you call a person who can't stop using drugs? What do you call a person who can't stop drinking alcohol? What hit you in the face last night?
This girl keeps trying to sell me more furniture... Thought it was pretty clear I only wanted the one night stand
What's the difference between a nicely dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a tricycle? A ttire There were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a old dilapidated boat. It just so happened that John's wife died the same day Joe's boat sank. A few days later a kindly old woman saw Joe, and mistaking him for John. Said "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must feel terrible" Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat, said "Fact is, I'm sort of glad to get rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like an old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front, too. Every time I used her the hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time for the weekend. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow and were willing to pay. The fools all tried to get in her at the same time and split her right down the middle." The old woman fainted.
My blonde girlfriend told me she lost her glasses .i said "use your contacts" she called back in an hour and said" i called everyone saved in my phone and they dont know where my glasses are either!
What did Adam say when his children asked why they don't live in the garden of Eden anymore? Because your mother ate us out of house and home. Grrrrooooaaaaan.
I was watching my dog chase it's tail and thought 'dog's are easily amused'. Then I realized I was watching my dog..chase its tail.
Yeager asks the class. What does the fat chicken give you? eggs! Good. What does the fat pig give you? Bacon! Good. What does the fat cow give you? Homework!!!