Two eggs were sitting in a sauce pan. One said to the other "blimey it's getting hot in here" The other replies "wait till you get out, they'll smash your head in"
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?" So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But the electrical cable caught my foot and pulled me down to my death." "That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in. The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story. "It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here." Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death. The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story. "Picture this," says the third man, "I've just been with a beautiful woman and when her husband comes back, I hide inside a refrigerator..."
WARNING SUPER DUPER OFFENSIVE JOKES. I AM NOT A HORRIBLE GUY I JUST FinD OFFENSIVE JOKES HALERIOUS. 1. Top of the world trade center ordered a hawaian pizza. But instead they got plane. 2. What's worse than a worm in your Apple..... The Holocaust 3. Why did the boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a truck 4. What did the homeless guy get for Christmas? Nothing 5. What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas? Ebola Sorry if this offended people
What has a giant hole, can take very long swords deep with ease and pretends to osw? Answer: fu_lasylestherneck_ry
Why does it take so long to build a blonde snowman. you have to hollow out the head How do you kill a blonde put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool Two blondes were walking though the forest and they came across tracks the first blonde said they were deer tracks the second blonde said they were dog tracks than the train hit them