#joke - The Contest (with a prize)

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by *holabfnfnensjxjdndn (01), Dec 10, 2014.

  1. What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?










































    <choke><choke><gag><choke>


    #Joke
     
  2. Entry #1

    Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

    #Joke #Funny #JustForLaughs
     
  3. What do u call a Mexican who lost his car ???





    Carloss 

    #joke
     
  4. A policeman sees a little girl riding her bike and says, “Did Santa get you that?" “Yes,” replies the little girl. “Well," says the policeman, "tell Santa to put a reflector light on it next year,” and fines her five dollars. The little girl looks up at the policeman and says, "Nice horse you’ve got there, did Santa bring you that?” The policeman chuckles and replies, “He sure did!" “Well,” says the little girl, “next year, tell Santa the d*ck goes under the horse and not on it." 

    #joke 1
     
  5. An old woman walks to the bank with two big bags, and one of them has a hole with lots of money being dropped. A policeman notices it and lets her know. Then, he asks:

    "May I ask how you have that insanely big amount of money?"

    "Of course! It's a nice story!" the old woman exclaims.

    "A few years ago, a football stadium was built next to my house. This is very annoying because when there's a match, lots of people are shouting at the streets, and also, when the match finishes, some of them come to pee at my garden! That's why I started to do something: when there's a match, I hide in a bush, waiting for someone to come and pee. When they are ready, I show up with my big secaturs and I tell them: if you want to keep you manly parts, you'll have to give me all the money you have!"

    "Oh, ok, and... what do you have in the other bag?"

    The old lady, with a big smile, says: "Well, not everyone had enough money!"

    #joke
     
  6. Q: What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
    A: Bugs bunny.

    #joke2
     
  7. You may have to check with devs here, but I do believe dealing with actual money is breaking one of the TOU.
     
  8. I think he should be okay I just checked the tou but it doesn't hurt to check with the devs
     
  9. #joke

    Im handsome
     
  10. How do you get a nun pregnant?



















    Dress her up as an alter boy
    #joke
     
  11. What is the difference between batman and a black man???


    Batman can walk into a store without robin.
     
  12. A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!'' #Joke
     
  13. What starts with N and ends with R and you wouldn't want one of them living near you?



    Neighbor.
     
  14. So a boy goes to his dad and complains about another boy calling him gay. His dad replied in a sarcastic tone "Punch him in the face". The boy replies with a sniff "but dad… He's so cute"
     
  15. What did the Mexican say when the house fell on him? Get off me holmes
     
  16. Why did Beyonce say to the left, to the left in her song? Cause black people don't know their rights
     
  17. I visited a zoo last week, but it only had one dog.
    It was a shihtzu.
    #Joke
     
  18. Weres Banter Claus from?

    The Bantartica

    Bah Dum Tsssss :D

    #Joke
     
  19. #joke
    Yo mama so fat she walked into a hotel and asked for a water bed, they put a tarp on the ocean.
     
  20. #joke
    Yo mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it screamed 1 at a time.