#joke - The Contest (with a prize)

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by *holabfnfnensjxjdndn (01), Dec 10, 2014.

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  1. The economy under Putin
    The economy under Obama
    Your career
    Twerking
    #notjokesjustterrifying
     
    #41 Balto573, Dec 10, 2014
  2. So there is a Kid who needs to learn his ABC's so he goes to his Sis and says hey sis, Wuts the first letter the the alphabet?
    She says:
    "Shut up I'm on the phone"
    So he goes to his brother and asks what the second letter is and his bro says:
    "DANANANANANANANA BAT-MAAAAAN"
    So he goes to his Dad and asks what the third letter is, his dad the football fan says:
    "49er's!! 49er's!!!!"
    So he goes to his mom and asks what the fourth letter is, she says while cooking dinner:
    "MY BUNS ARE BURNING MY BUNS ARE BURNING!!!"
    So he goes to the garbage guy and asks, to dude bro, what's the fifth letter of the alphabet?
    The garbage man says:
    "100% Junk!!"


    ~The next day the teach asks the kid what the first letter is, his reply is:
    "Shut up I'm on the phone"
    The teacher, outraged, asks, who do you think
    I am Squirt?! He replies:
    "DANANANANANANANA BAT-MAAAAAN"
    The teacher takes the kid to the principals office and the principal, a big guy with issues, asks, how many spankings do you want, runt?
    The kid says:
    "49er's!! 49er's!!!!"
    ~49 spankings later
    The kid screams
    "MY BUNS ARE BURNING MY BUNS ARE BURNING!!!"
    The satisfied principal then proceeds to ask the screaming kid,
    "What do you think this school is kid?"
    The kid replies his last answer:
    "100% JUNK!!!!!"
    #joke
    2.
     
    #42 Narza, Dec 10, 2014
  3. ^describing your childhood doesn't count as a joke
     
    #43 Balto573, Dec 10, 2014
  4. A cowboy needs a new horse and the one he buys was previously owned by a priest.
    To start you say: "Praise The Lord!!"
    To stop you say: "Hallelujah!!"
    The cowboy is about to run his new horse into a canyon and forgets how to stop the horse!
    At the last possible second he remembers and screams "HALLELUJAH GOD DAMMIT"
    He was so thankful that he didn't die he said...
    "Praise The Lord!"
    #joke
    3.
     
    #44 Narza, Dec 10, 2014
  5. My post count used to be a palindrome :/
     
    #45 Balto573, Dec 10, 2014
  6. Here's one to piss off football fans.
    (I'm in Ohio so we tease Michigan)
    Where do you go when there's a tornado?
    Random Michigan bruh bruh: Derrrr idk.
    You: Michigan cuz thy never touchdown!!

    (Works with any rivalry)
    #joke #troll4lyfe #gobucks
    4.
     
    #46 Narza, Dec 10, 2014
  7. I'm so poor i cant even pay attention. I hang frozen ice on my window with it open and call it air conditioning. I'm so poor that i only have one shoe and when a person told me 'Youre missing a shoe' then i said 'i found one'

    #joke
     
    #47 -XIlXSPiNxBoOnDrAhEmWoLBXlIX-, Dec 10, 2014
  8. A blind guy walks into a bar.. And a chair.. And a table
    #joke
     
    #48 Tyjon, Dec 10, 2014
  9. Two penn state administrators walk into a butt

    #joke
     
    #49 Balto573, Dec 10, 2014
  10. 2 men walk into a bar.
    The first man sez. I'd like some H2o
    The second man said: I'd like some H2o 2
    The second man died
    #joke 5
     
    #50 Narza, Dec 10, 2014
  11. No it's two scientist the first says h2o the second says ill have h2o 2 he died. Get your jokes right.
     
    #51 Balto573, Dec 10, 2014
  12. But they're still men? Or do you want gender equality?
     
    #52 Narza, Dec 10, 2014
  13. Yes yes but those who preach gender equality don't want equality they want it better than EVERYONE else has it.
     
    #53 Balto573, Dec 10, 2014
  14. #joke 1

    Why couldn't the sailors play cards?

    Because the captain was standing on the deck.
     
    #54 yellow111z, Dec 10, 2014
  15.  
    #55 renamed473, Dec 10, 2014
  16. Know how to entertain a blonde?

    Stick her in a circle and tell her to find a corner. #joke 1
     
    #56 xXlNl-lIl-lNl-lJl-lAlXx, Dec 10, 2014
  17. Seems so legit..
     
    #57 -NiPPlZ_MaCHiNE-, Dec 10, 2014
  18. :lol:
     
    #58 6icko, Dec 10, 2014
  19. It's Thanksgiving and a little boy is helping his family to get ready.

    He goes upstairs to his dad shaving his beard and his dad cuts himself and yells "*****" little boy asks "what's a *****?" The dad replies "it's another way of saying beard now go talk to your mother.

    He goes to his mother cutting the turkey and cuts her self she yells "****!!!" The boy asks "what is ****?" The mom replied "another way to say cutting"

    All the family members arrive and says hello people my dad is upstairs shaving his ***** and my moms in the kitchen ******* the turkey

    Joke 2
     
    #59 lllIIIlIUltimateTurtleIlllIlII, Dec 10, 2014
  20. Some of these entries so far actually made me laugh :lol:
     
    #60 *holabfnfnensjxjdndn (01), Dec 10, 2014
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