All editors go check pal for my first chapter. The faster it's approved the faster I put it here. And also the faster Dan will know how he helped.
First Chapter: "Orcus hurry up we can't be late!" "I know mom I'm coming" "Your dad is already outside waiting" "Ok I'm ready now. Can I know where we are going?" "No it's a surprise." All I know is we are going to the Mountain of Taeos, a sacred mountain that few people dare go, there are Gerdags, a large animal with huge teeth and claws, everywhere in the mountains, they are difficult to hide from and even more difficult to kill. I've heard my parents whispering about a ceremony but I don't know if it's for me or them. I think it's for me but I don't know, now I have to go so we aren't late. Ok ten hours later and we are just outside the Mountain of Taeos we can hear the gerdags in there and that makes me nervous to actually see them because they sound scary. While we were walking I found out that the ceremony is for me but my parents won't tell me what will happen, all I know is that I'm anxious to find out what will happen. My dad is yelling at me to go to sleep so I'll write more tomorrow morning. For breakfast we had some roasted animals found scavenging near the base of the mountain in the forest, and some weird smelling plants wrapped around the animal. I have no idea what the animal was but it was good. The gerdags seem to be closer now, and my dad has his sword ready. He seems to be extremely proficient with a sword, and that makes me feel safer knowing he is here. We are about to start walking again so I'm going to stop writing. We found some other travelers going to the same place we are going with a girl named Theresa. She is the same age as me and also has no idea what the ceremony is about. She said her dad was very good with a bow and that makes me feel even safer. It's time to go to bed now, I'll write more tomorrow morning. We had the same animal roasted for breakfast again and it seemed even better this time. My mom says we are almost there, which makes me even more nervous. What will I have to do? What will happen if I mess up, or can't do what I am asked to do? Who else will be there? I've heard my parents talking to the new people about a council, and I think I'm going to be judged. Theresa has no idea what is going on and my mom told me that I can't tell her anything. My dad is telling us all to be quiet so I'm going to stop writing, he says he hears several things near us. It turns out those things he heard were another family going to the same place, there is a boy named Marodo who is also the same age as me, and he knows about the ceremony but not about the council, and again my mom has told me not to say anything about it to him. We found a gerdag today, or more accurately it found us but we were able to kill it, it seems that Marodo's dad is able to use a sword as well as my dad, and without him the gerdag might have killed Theresa. My mom says we are very close to where we need to be, and we need to keep moving. We are outside a cave in the mountain and it seems to go on forever I wonder if this is where we are supposed to be. All the dads are standing around looking at things like they have been here before. Marodo's dad says it is time to go inside the cave for the ceremony, and that it will be very interesting. I won't be able to write until it's over. Tada! For Dan I did use your idea. It's easier for me because I can write it as if Orcus was writing in a notebook.
My story has it's own thread; The Blessing, please post all comments here as I will put the new chapters on both threads I just to make it so the readers can find it without searching
First draft of my first chap. Note - these are random friend names so I'll insert the other shortly. I know there are mistakes- it's not finished. I timed myself so I know not perfect. And lastly, I didn't indent or anything because not on comp, I'll do it later. Okay, here we go! CHAPTER 1 "You ready for this?" Zaln screamed over the roar of the chopper. "Definitely." Replied Bastion. Suddenly, the chopper stood still, and a rope dropped from it. "Go go go!" yelled the pilot from the front seat. One by one, Zaln, Bastion, and McGreen grappled down it. When they all finally safetly reach ground level, they rushed behind a car and surveyed their surroundings. All around them there was members of the infamous NRA (New Revolution Army) shooting their AK-47's at Group Gold, the second group assigned to the mission. The air was thick with bullets, cars were on fire, buildings were collapsed. Silently, Bastion made a hand movement, and started sprinting for the nearest house. Luckily, they weren't spotted. As McGreen pulled out his shotgun, Zaln and Bastion pulled out silenced MP5's. Supposedly, the leader of the NRA was in the building. Slowly, they moved, pressed against the wall. After they all were in position against the doorway, Zaln counted in a low voice. "3....2....1. GO!" Just then, McGreen threw a flashbang upstairs. Bastion took the left side, Zaln took the right, and McGreen guarded the stairs. Empty. Zaln did a double take, and he was sure no one was in his hallway. Moving to the first doorway, Zaln prepared. With a sudden shout, Zaln kicked in the door and sprayed his MP5. He instantly took out 3 men. What he saw was NRA leader, Rika, climbing out the window. Before Zaln could reload his gun, he was jumped by a henchman. Closer, closer came his knife until it was pressing against his throat. Hoarsely, he called, " Someone...help!" McGreen heard a scream coming from the right hallway, and took off running. He then saw Zaln's legs, sticking out of the room into the hall. McGreen sprinted and looked into the room. There was Rika, and Zaln. He had to choose. It was either kill Rika, or save Zaln's life.
That's relly good bastoin but what happened to ur character it seems focesed on mcgreen and zaln is that how u wrote it or was that on accident
No purposely, I'll be awithin points of views. Sure igloo, you have a week to start or have proof of starting a story.