iWrite Co.

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Bastion, Jul 6, 2010.

  1. The first 2 chapters of my story r in other forum by me I need to edit them though
     
  2. If you are reading this because you want to feel like a superhero and experience a better world, shut this now! This is the story of my sister, Alaina, and I. Oh yes, we haven't been properly introduced I'm Nico. I grew up on the east-side of manhattan. Houston street to be exact, with my sister Alaina. Thing is, we are not exactly like normal kids you see. W
    e never really knew our dad until he turned up on our doorstep the other day. and that's where we begin.

    A knock at the door awoke me, I caught the small snippets of a conversation, a rushed hurried one but a conversation nevertheless. My sister burst into my room screaming
    "it's daddy,it's daddy!"
    I bolted upright in my bed
    "daddy? Alaina daddy hasn't been in touch in well,forever."
    before I could finish she cut in tripping over herself with excitement
    "no it's really him it's daddy he's come to see us."
    Our father had left when Alaina was a  tiny baby and had never looked back so I figured she must just be joking when my mother burst in
    "She's telling the truth Nico, your father is waiting downstairs to talk to you,"
    I was lost for words I never thought of my father re-appearing, I had abandoned that hope many years ago. And to be perfectly honest I didn't want to meet him because he might not live up to my high expectations.

    I entered cautiously into the room,and there on the sofa was a normal man, but he seemed to radiate power, power as old as time itself.
    "Dad?"
    "Yes it is Nico," I was awestruck even though my mum had told me it was him I didn't believe it then suddenly childhood memories flooded back to me, his booming laughter, and the soothing tone of his voice, yes, this was him.
    "Nico,"he said " brace yourself," in a split second he erupted into flames! But they were flames that did not burn or even char it was if they bent to my dads will. But I took that for-granted
    And tried to think what he had meant by "brace, yourself."
    What I noticed later was that even though my father had erupted into flames it did not bother me I knew he was still alive, and that if my dad controlled fire he was definitely not Human.

    Chapter 2

    After the events of the day I was glad to get into my bed, but I was kept awake with the thoughts of my father, why would he leave my mom? I promised myself I'd confront him with it the next time I saw him.

    "CRASH!" I woke up startled and confused, then I felt something cold against the back of my head, it will be a feeling I never forget, a feeling that would haunt me the rest of my life. It was the feeling of a 9 millimetre pistol, I don't know how I knew that but I'd always understood everything about machinery, my mom said it came from my dad but I'd never understood why but that wasn't important now
    "Get up," said a voice from behind me and the pistol jerked upwards toward the base of my skull.
    "who are you?" I shouted.
    "let's just say I'm no friend of your father,"he cackled in his shrill tone of voice.
    I knew he was about to kill me, so I made one last attempt to overpower him, it was a stupid idea, the guy was at least six foot and armed, but I jumped at him, maybe it was my ADHD that made me want to injure him but instead I kicked the pistol out of his hand, it slid across the floor and I charged for it, but the man re materialised next to it and pointed it at my chest, now call me crazy but I don't think he was gonna let me live.
    "Aaaaaaaaahhhhh," once again I charged it was an insane move but I hit him with the palm of my hand right in the chest, he doubled over in pain, and I took the gun.
    "who sent you?" I shouted as I aimed the gun between his eyes,
    "ha ha you will never know, go on kill me I don't care,"
    "I said, who sent you?"
    Before I could continue I heard a scream from the next room, my sisters room!

    I ran next door to find my sister but she was gone! I was devastated, the only person who'd I'd wished was truly safe was gone. I ran to the window and saw her struggling with one of the other goons I was about tl
    o jump out and help her when, I noticed in my confusion I had left the man in my room! I felt a hard hit at the base of my skull, then everything was dark...


    Chapter 3

    I woke up the next morning in a heap on the floor,
    "hello nico," said a voice next to me
     
  3. Good, but lots of grammatical errors, and the father scene needs...more substance.
     
  4. Other than that I like it.
     
  5. So Bast, I was thinking of joining iWrite co with my new story coming up... Cause I'm kiiiiinda giving up on the other one... Anywho, Ill post a preview soonish.
     
  6. Cool. If you are joining, I'd accept you.
     
  7. ANY RESEMBLENCES TO ACTUAL CLANS IN THIS STORY IS MERELY COINCIDENTIAL (yeah I mean the fox part)

    Damon Hackle lay on a stained cabin bed. The stains were from vomit and blood. Both belonging to him. He stared at the ceiling blankly. His eyes didn't blink, and they never would ever again. A note was tucked into his breast pocket, carefully void of fingerprints. The author sat next to the body, wiping off the .22 that had made the clean hole in Hackle's forehead. He was from the Whitehall Association, one of their assassins. Hackle, the unlucky one was from Foxtail, one of many warring factions. He was small-time, but it wasn't a tactical assassination, it was just to keep Foxtail on their toes. The assassin got up, made one last check of the room and left. He walked down the corridor and opened the door at the end. He came out to a deck of a boat, lit a cigarette, and leaned against a railing. Then an alarm sounded. The assassin casually walked to the rim of the boat, and slid off into the dark water below. Men armed to, well to and over, the teeth burst out of the door the assassin was just moments earlier. They searched for hours, but our assassin was not one to leave traces. No one had caught Jake Winters before, and they weren't about to start today.   
     
  8. I don't see a single mistake other than it being perfect. ;-)
     
  9. Nice, Summers. I'll be watching this story.
     
  10. But seriously. I need help
    recruiting -_-'
     
  11. As will I. I'm hooked already. Think you could tell us your title?
     
  12. Hrrrrmm... Haven't thought about that yet..
     
  13. Need help recruiting characters?
     
  14. You should make a sign-up thread
     
  15. When you do, I'll sign up.