Nothing big. Most wouldn't notice lol. And that apostrophe I couldn't remember if you added. Sorry didn't realize you did
Finally finished the first chapter of my story. Took forever but I did it. Here it is. Be hard on me. I need it. Chapter 1 "Dan, we've got a job for you" "What is it, boss?" Suddenly, a pic appeared on the screen in front of me. "This is Dr. Angel. He develops nuclear weapons. He is giving a nuclear missile to every contry for free in 2 weeks. We think that he is up to something." "But wouldn't people be smart enough to not accept them? He's obviously up to something." "The world leaders are just grateful to have another weapon to have. Everyone's scared of the other countries. Dr. Angel might be looking for a World War 3, which no one would win if everyone had nuclear weapons. He might also have rigged the missiles to do something. We need you and your team to find out what's going on and stop him. His factory is in Australia. Can I count on your team?" "The Land Down Under!! Always wanted to go there!!" "Dan, this isn't a vacation. Please be serious for once." "I know, boss. My team and I can do it. We're professionals." "Good. Don't dissapoint me" "I won't, boss." Meet my team. I'm Dan, the leader of the group, and the most fun-loving. I always joke around. All the jokes I know, they can come in handy sometimes on our missions. Bastion is 2nd-in-command. If anything ever happens to me, he's in charge. He has been training in many types of martial arts from a young age. He's a great person to have on your team, but he dosent know how to have fun. Bastion's favorite weapons are nunchucks and ninja stars. Then there's Luke. He's the strongest member of the team. He likes to show off his abs and dosent usually wear a shirt. He knows most of the forms of martial arts and is a full master of them. He likes to show off a lot. Marodo is our planner. He sets up the course for our missions. He has access to blueprints for almost every building in the world. If he doesn't have it, he knows how to get it. He is swift, agile and light-footed. He fights using a chinese broadsword. He's not the strongest member of our team, but he is definetly a valuable asset. Massacre clears the way for the team. He's the first one in, and the last one out. He is a long distance fighter using throwing stars and throwing knives. Matt has a bit of a history before he joined our team. We met him on a mission in Mexico. He was a rogue living on his own. He ran away from home at the age of 15. He is light-footed and sneaky. He appears to have no weapons on him, but he has blades concealed in his sleeves. iZ is our weapon specialist. He is a master of all weapons. Everyone has their favorite weapon though. iZ prefers throwing stars, a short sword and 2 hidden swords. He is always dressed in black. Smallz is the smallest of our team, and also the quickest. He is not very strong, but what he lacks in muscle, he makes up in wits. He can win against the strongest guys in the matter of seconds. He wears a black gi. PopTarts is the obviously the best dressed on our team. He always wears Italian suits, even on missions. He gets a bit angry when they get ruined. He uses a sword unless his suit gets ruined. Then he pulls out his pistol. Everyone cowers then. So we have a well-balanced team. Everyone gets along great. Even Bastion. ~iDan~
Ok here's what I think: It's good, but I don't like Emoji in stories (my opinion), and added like "Return Spaces" in-between your character descriptions. Also, don't add signatures in stories, it totally kills that "Idea Mode" wherein the reader is imagining all that's been written and pretending the possibilities. Adding the signature kills that reality (sorry, it's a writer/reader opinion.) that's why I don't add my signature in my stories unless it's the first post explaining what this is and etc. iZaln
Kk thanx zaln. The idea of emoji is like a break in time like they do in books. And I really shouldn't do a sig now that u say that. ~iDan~
Going to put my story in its own thread... the first chapter is on page 3 i think if some one could edit it pleez