Chapter 3 Yanshizai walked upto Bastion. He tried to cheer him up but Bastion just ignored him. Yanshizai went to his house and went to sleep. Bastion did the same. As he woke up, he found breakfast in bed for saving the town last night. He was thankful and excited. Today the dojo started. Bastion took the walk to Ranyin Town and found his wayto the dojo. There he saw Yanshizai and a few other students ready for learning, some of them had experience with othe martial arts but most of them, not so much. "Good morning, Master Yanshizai," said Bastion with a chuckle. Yanshizai walked over to Bastion and bowed, "In my dojo we are going to train like i did, back home!" Bastion was ready for anything that came his way, first was the basic punch and then kicks and so one. At the end of the lesson, Bastion was exhausted and ready for a break. "There's more to karate then i really thought," thought Bastion. Yanshizai offered Bastion a lunch, and the two friends sat in the dojo eating the delicious food. "Bastion, i know you're already a master at the dual-handed sword, but why not try your luck at my style, a katana?" asked Yanshizai curiously. Bastion looked uneasy about the whole thing but accepted. Two mastered weapons equals better skill and a better chance of winning. Weeks went by as Bastion trained with the katana and the bare hands. Bastion was getting even stronger and Yanshizai grew swifter. The two would duel a lot. They needed to keep their skills up in order to defend their town, as their fame grew, so did the fame of the dojo. Yanshizai had plenty of students and was ready to leave the dojo off to somebody else. One day, as the two went strolling by the forest creek, an idea struck Bastion. Bastion and Yanshizai were way more skilled then they were before, and now they both master the same objects. They're an even match. Bastion realized this easily and thought that maybe woth the help of Yanshizai, he can get revenge on his father's murderer. "Yan," said Bastion "What is it Bastion?" replied Yanshizai. "Well i haven' thought about my father for a long time but, i have an idea. I'm going to chase after my father's murderer and i was wondering if you would help," asked Bastion desperately. Yanshizai nodded. They both went home to gather their things and buy supplies for their long journey. Yanshizai met Bastion at the Northern Gate of Ranyin Town. "Ready to go?" asked Bastion. And like always, Yanshizai nodded in agreement.
I'll read and suggest things, but I'm not really grammar-ful. I'll just correct grammar if it pissed me off. iZ
First part: Spaces between Wayto and Upto. Capitalize your "I"s, please! Umm, try to get rid of repetition of words, like "went" when you were referring to going to sleep or something. Also add side-activities both do to enhance their skills, like star throwing, etc, because, just matching in weapon fighting isn't enough to be "equal." just know I'm just passing along tips and that this is just to help. If you don't something I say, then don't add it, you're the writer, it's up to you. iZaln
@Ryol We both took time on our edits lol! Well, it seems you always correct stuff dealing with me, ehhhhh? iZaln
Thx, zaln. I was extremely careless on this chapter, im rlly tired. Im probably going o change the whole chapter bc the flow of each paragaraph is way off
Kk, I was taking a long time to Write it up, so It seems that Bastion got What I was saying, But, it's my Pleasure to Help. iZaln
And I'm going to fix all those Tom ryol thanks a lot! Rereading it it sounds much better with your revisions! Night all.
Btw last thing. Zaln your pic for my dossier is ****ing awesome, one problem though. Guy is white. Can I let it slide?