Thanks Ryol. We'd love to have you aboard! You could help us a bunch with your infinite writing wisdom.
Ok.... I'll be the pretty face that stares at people while in meetings with you I can't wait to see the first person who shifts uncomfortably in their seat!!! ^.^
You edit our stories before they go up...here is mine Once we finally landed at camp, we all went straight to Seargent to report our mission. "Ah, you're back!" "Yeah Sarge, and all breathing." Told Zaln. "Good and please, I told you call me Josh!" "Sorry Josh, it's just...well we didn't get Osterly." "You gotta be kidding me...Team Gold was entirely wiped out in that mission..." "Oh my God..." "Look we want to finish the mission, we've gotta move on. We got a new recruit waiting outside. He's pretty clueless, so prep him up, okay?" "Will do." As they walked out of the breifing room a small man with jet black hair slowly walked up and introduced himself as James Sinclair, nicknamed "Saint". As Saint looked at them, they were quite a weird group. There was one normal build caucasian, who was supposedly brothers with an asian man dressed in black. The last man was just gigantic. He was incredibly muscular wearing a shirt with cut-off sleeves, and a band of bullets hanging over his shirt. They had weird nicknames too. One was Bastion, another was Zaln, and the lasts was McGreen, but he didn't even want to get into it. "Saint, we are an elite Spec-Ops force dedicated to destroying the NRA. Our mission is called Operation Storm. Welcome aboard." welcomed Bastion. Immediately after there were various handshakes and congratulations between the men. "How about we show him around camp?" questioned McGreen. "Sounds good enough to me." agreed Zaln. "Alright then." After several minute of walking and pointing, they finally reached base point. "This is where our meals are served." explained Bastion. "Lets go! I'm starving!" yelled Saint as he ran ahead. Just as Bastion and the other stepped inside they saw Saint accidently bump into one of the larger, clearly angry soldiers, and fall to the ground. "HEY!" He angrily roared, "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" "Nothing sir! I'm sorry it was an accident really!" Then Zaln interupted. "Hey Gods, lay off him, huh?" "Stay out of this!" "Tch. Suit yourself." "Let's take this outside!" Ordered Gods Ninja as he dragged Saint outside base point.
It's good. But what I think think is that you should include a dossier like thing for you feedback. You could have like for example: Confidential Profile N-Name: Bastion R-Name: XXXXXXX M-Name: XXXXX L-Name: XXXXX Age: 25 DOB:XX/XX/XX K-Missions: Turago Battle; Faser Infiltration <End of Dossier> That's a little creative thing. It's like my PokeDex thing with a picture and all. But that's just a suggestion. Also, beware with ending a story with a chapter ending right before action starts. This provokes the reader's mind and they'll deman and ask for more. That's just a few tips I learned through my experience. iZ
N Name is Nickname R Name is Real Name M Name is Middle Name L Name is Last Name DOB is Date of Birth XX/XX/XX is MM/DD/YY K Missions is Key Missions Lemme look back at it to check what I missed. Also add more to it, like race etc. iZaln