I gotta agree with Smight. It's a very well-written piece, but I would like a few more details, and a few more explanations into the 3 characters pasts, lol. From what I got now, both the boys are ADHD and the girl is shy as ****. I wanna know MOAR.
That can be done. But, I seem to be at a swim meet that'll take up the next five hours of my day, so I'll not have that task completed today.
I will cough in your face if you cough at me again. Your balance of explanation still has the attention span of a squirrel on steroids. I can tell what you enjoy writing and what you're even slightly 'eh' on. Polish that up a little. Still pretty consistent otherwise, vocabulary and some such.
Next part is in the works, I did nothing on it yesterday. It's all about the soldiers, so don't expect anything about Lyle, Sam and Jess today. Enjoy, in about an hour.
It ended up being a little shorter than it looked. Darn text size and font being different in the editor doesn't help much either. Oh well, enjoy!
Bumping this so people can see there was another chapter. I won't be making any more for a couple days, cuz Spring Break
Since some people are clearly fricking blind. I won't dare complain. What I'd really like to see is more of the emotional reactions to, err, everything. Shock and fear, mostly.
I declare coughing into your face for being a jerk. ^Most coherent sentence I've formed all night, yay
In case anyone has the bright idea of posting two freaking words as feedback on the main thread, know that you're not scoring any points, and you're only making yourselves look ignorant by not seeing the feedback thread ON THE SAMW GOD DAMN PAGE.