Ok. So here's what happened. I went to the mall and bought a big red white and blue hat. I loved that hat with all my heart and wpre it all the time. People said it was weird but I didn't care. One day, I decided to buy a friend for the hat, so i decided to get a green, black, and orange hat. On the way to the mall, a big hairy guy who was missing sone teeth and lived in an alley offered to carry my hat, for a small fee. He seemed pretty legit, and I didn't want my hat to get dirty, especially since it was raining, so I agreed. Then he put on the hat and ran away. I tried to chase him, but I tripped on the box he lived in. The next think I knew, he changed his name to Sam and everybody loved him. He became the face of America while i sat in the corner of a train station, sharpening my knives and planning my revenge.