How to crack an omelette 

Discussion in 'Wars' started by -_-OPTIMAL-_-CHAOS-_-, Nov 23, 2014.

  1. Well its thursday and those poor eggshausted eggs must be tired. So out of consideration I am going to be kind. And sing them a Lullaby. Ok I apologise for the bad singing in advance. Not my thing really but think frozen and you will get the idea.

    I am feeling hungry tonight
    Got a hankering for greens
    Had my peas and Brussel sprouts
    And my favourite, I've had eggs

    My stomachs churning with this swollen storm inside
    Can't keep it in even if I tried
    And now I don't know what to do
    Should I stay here or get a clue


    Cos I've got gas
    It needs to pass
    From out my dress
    Let one go, let one go
    Let one go, let one go
    can't hold it in anymore.

    Let one go let one go
    Let one go, let one go
    Just push and give it what for.


    I dont care
    What they're going to say
    I will rumble on.

    My stinking green cloud now
    Is spreading through the air.
    And if you get a whiff
    You'd better kneel and say a prayer


    And I have just one thought as I rush to the loo
    Now I'm touching cloth
    Hope I don't follow through 

    Let one go, let one go
    Let one go, let one go
    It'll rise like the break of wind.

    Let one go, let one go
    Let one go, let one go
    These perfect pants must be binned

    Here I stand
    Pumping night and day
    Let the butthurt rage on


    The smell never bothered me anyway.


    With credit to nick l'mao for an awesome parody that seems to fit the omelettes perfectly with a slight tweak.

    Oh the update. More and more omets coming out of the woodwork. I wonder how many of them it will take to deal with one kingdom.
    Personally, I'm betting on all of them being needed. But must thank them for the choice of targets. Well when they aren't self pinning on ebs too scared to pop their heads up
    Geez I'm so stretched on my resources here I even did an eb because I'm so bored with the fairies. Please, please hit back. Make my 365 days fun.
    Actually don't worry I'm sure I can invent ways of making it fun.  sweet dreams omelettes

    Oh and shhhh. Only 354 days to go. Have fun.
  2. bahaha im crying its so funny by far best pist ever
  3. I find amusement in these daily updates
  4. Lmfao let one go. Smash that egg good
  5. One of the best pvp threads I've ever read lmao. I would say I've got your back, but I'd hate to encroach on all the fun you're having hahaha remember to wash your whisks and keep your mixing bowls clean bud.....oh and if you're making omelettes, I like lots of cheese and jalápenos in mine lol
  6. So dear reader. how was today?
    Did you have a good day?
    I do hope so, Mine was great.

    A beautiful cash donation, ok pretty tight really, but what can you expect from
    Drunken louts that worship alcohol and think they are rabbits  Erm hang on arent those?___ you know, Erm actually age rating. Maybe we shouldn't go there. 

    Well maybe we should a little. As I have been shown, they lure you in with the promise of cheap booze and beautiful women.
    Sounds good?


    Not really when you see the reality on offer.


    Anyway more of that and the starvation initiation nonsense in a future update.

    For now. Lets stay with today's topic.
    Omelette3 was getting a bit frustrated one must assume.


    Now of course I'm not saying its all going my way. But this is a reoccurring trend a few more wins to put up some sense of a fight would be nice.

    Alas Being the delightful enlightened individuals they are. They relieved me of Two allies, stripped away from their loving owner. and the resultant incoming??


    Hmmm yep that's the humiliating part.
    Well actually one more humiliation.


    You then drop them instantly essentially stripping yourself of two allies after giving me some free gold. YAY genius at play.

    Maybe trying to strip a target when he is offloading on your fellow omelettes would of worked better on 3 counts......

    1 If you were in the same clan so you could report incoming.

    2 if you made sure the victim is sleeping.  This one. It's kind of vital to success

    3 learn to play kaw and get a clue.

    Oh there is a 4. But I'm not telling you that, you can try and it work it out over the next 353 days.
    Thank goodness these geniuses don't have half the clue kotfe have.

    But playing with Eggs is fun. They get whipped up Into such a frenzy over one or two hits. Never seen such a bunch of cry babies.
    I feel sorry for their king. If this is their elite. Then he has truly surrounded himself with imbeciles.
    C'mon guys and gals. It's a tap tap game. How hard can it be for an alliance to pin one little kingdom ??

    Now I'm sure one day I will wake naked.


    That will not stop, deter or dishearten me. Actually it gives me nothing to lose. It will liberate me.
    Know this. In kaw I have nothing to lose. I'm a perm farm of the biggest collective bunch of amateurs I have ever seen in kaw.
    Despite threats in the vien of I have no idea what I have gotten into.
    Believe me. I totally get that you will never stop me.
    You will never defeat me. My goal is simple. To farm omelettes for a full 365 days or until You get omette1 to ask for a ceasefire, and an apology on my wall.

    Or no omelette is ever safe from me.
    I have nothing to lose. Do you?
  7. Ok so today will be brief.
    Two omelettes have been rather chatty today. Unlike yesterday, meeting some decent players,these two were not so sociable. One down right rude and obscene. To be honest what I eggspected from his rather butthurt position.
    Butt he is not important.


    The other. Well he is rather keen but suffers unfortunately from, little man syndrome.
    But there is a plus here. That feeling of inadequacy is leading to his maximum pay to play nature in the game.
    Actually here I think the devs should thank me. He's just so envious of my build he's prepared to


    Just to match my stats.

    Now don't get me wrong. I didn't pick on a smaller build. He just happened along Into my news feed and apparently has something to prove to me.
    Size envy. Keep it clean. Build size is a wonderful thing after all. I love his wall posts telling me how much he is paying to catch up.
    Good for you budYou keep the game free to play for the rest of us. 

    And don't worry just
    Days to go.
  8. So have we heard of the starving games?


    No, no. Not the ridiculously bad parody of a certain rather successful film franchise.
    Here I am talking about the omelettes rather insane first initiation process.

    Now the starving games is a very odd process where the omelettes require a sponsor to put forth a candidate, who must then, to prove loyalty jump through a series of overcooked onion rings.

    The leader of the omelettes, queen kantmiss then having received the sponsorship request lays out the course set to roast the chickens feet prior to a solid basting.


    This you can imagine as going something along the lines to the parody of the movie auditions

    Is that the most ridiculous face you can pull? Are you sure. Excellent first one through the door gets to have a screen test.


    Now while kantmiss is stuffing her face on mouldy bread ( hte )


    the recruits are sent into the wilds of the game.
    This is their starvation period.


    They start out in district twelve of course. The rank decrepit underworld hidden in the underbelly of kaw. The land beyond clans.

    Now of course the queen does not send them in without any advice. They enter the frozen wild lands with her motto ringing ever in their ears " may the odds never be in your flavour"

    Denied food ( gold) they are forced to fight their fellow players to survive for the amusement of those who would sacrifice them at the first sniff of a boiled egg.


    Their salute is the middle finger, though you may want to ask where they put it first.

    This is supposed to make them tough, battle hardened. So that later at a time that suits the whim of their queen they may them feast at her side. Or more to the point sent out to hit whoever pays them the most in seals.

    It's actually where a giant angry bird comes and whacks them right back. They beg for help. But alas during the starvation period, no such joy. The queen just poops upon their head.


    Yep one vs many with no back up. No one else in kaw does that do they?
    Real heroes.


    Loyal to a fault. And believe any line they are fed.

    They go out and would slaughter their own family at the first sign of free food.

    They blindly follow kantmiss wherever she goes.

    It's the face isn't it. You'd believe any sad plot line to believe your queen is really Jennifer Lawrence.  you wish.

    Writing about their initiation. To be honest it's so lame I wish I was doing something else. So I am about to.
    Actually that's too much of my life wasted writing about their initiation process. It's ridiculous pre-maddona's that think they are better than others.
    Something has to validate their lives right? And having people beg to follow them and jump through hoops on an app. Yup that's their life choice.
    Personally like the movie. I'd miss it if I were you. Being a sheep is no fun. Being an omelette? that's even worse.
  9. Ps. Don't forget. 351 days to go.
  10. Ok eggsciting day today thus far. Hmmm well ok for farming eggs anyway.
    A couple of the ostrich eggs got a few good hits in.
    Bravo  oneself is glad you found the - hit a player "attack" button, as opposed to the repeat pin on hte button.
    The devs seriously need to be giving me some freebies here. Most of those I am hitting are intent on paying to significantly out grow me as they seem to be lacking in ability.

    C'mon eggs. You have the attack or spy button. It's not hard. Anyone can do it.

    So anyway. Aside from the ostrich eggs, the chickens eggs actions in my news were the usual list of fails. Nothing interesting to report there then.

    So that done, their chief neggotiator followed me again.
    Much heavy breathing and staring intently at his phone he managed to utter forth the " what's your side " question.


    That's it. Wow great neggotiator skills dude. It's a social app.
    Try talking. It helps.

    So alas I was left bored of their poor communication skills. Left tracking movements and hits and laughing at who is on their walls offering respect to those who would cry over being hit once or twice in a war game.

    ( next event omets should opt out that way they can actually go about their day without risking being hit)

    So what to do today.
    Of course it occurred to me in a flash of inspiration. Or should we say egglightenment.

    What's the one question everyone always asks regarding the eggs?
    Or to correct myself. The chicken and the egg.
    That's right folks. Answered today by a close personal professional liaison of OMETOTCHTLLI1

    Which came first. The chicken or the egg?


     Shocker ain't it!

    JUST 350 days to go.
  11. This was eggmazing :lol:

  12. Why thank you. Don't forget to share with your friends. And no need to fear posting here. The omelettes are too busy hitting me to have anytime to farm too many more people.

    Though a funny thing did just happen. Omet3 was full spies and ran a bar on me. He then xtalled and repeated and repeated again.
    I would have been impressed had they not all Been fails.
    Bravo my friend. Eggcellent tactic. And please so seek build advice And get an eggducation, change those four buildings that destroy you build for how you wish to play the game. 
  13. So what to discuss today.
    The dozens of ss of all my lovely incoming?
    How about the gold amounts before and after I whack them. And which ones I whack?
    But alas so many fails incoming. It would be highly repetitive. And that means boring.

    My hits on them then?
    Nope one doesn't like to admit but they don't really matter. I'm hitting for the year regardless.

    So what then?
    How about my inveggstication into who's who behind the omets.
    Who's an alt and who is the queen?

    Starting point. I need to pick a place where hopefully you can all follow from so bare with me.

    It was approximately before then ( the place where it starts. So we start 3 years before the start ok?)
    Elsa and Anna's parents sailed off into the sunset. The secret meeting they rushed off to. That was actually the wedding of Flynn Ryder and Rapunzel ( don't blame me. I refuse to call him Eugene!)

    And tragically they died at sea.
    Of course they did. You can't have such a tale without having a parent murdered in the first ten minutes or some other such tragedy.
    Now the events you may recall from frozen. They occur almost exactly 3 years after tangled happened. ( see? that's why we had to start 3 years before the start of our story).
    Their ship if you eggsamine carefully is the same one that Ariel explored in the little mermaid. Don't believe me. Check the locations of where the events occurred.

    So with me so far?
    Well here's the kicker.
    The king and queen did not die in the wreck they managed to eggscape and eventually wash up on foreign shores. Here they survived as best they could, even having their son.
    But as is the nature of the beast. They were subseggquently killed by a ferocious leopard.
    So yes that's right. Anna and Elsa's parents survived, had a son in a jungle ( Tarzan ) who was then raised by apes. ( c'mon you had to know fate Wouldn't let them escape twice)


    So how does Rapunzel fit in again. Well that's easy. The king of Arrendale is actually Rapunzel's uncle.

     cousins you say?

    Now the weird twist is that the blondes in the family lacking high iQ's are instead gifted with magic.

    Are you going to create this if you have a high iQ?
    Thought not.

    As Rapunzel's tragic tale shows. People will do anything to get hold of a child with magical gifts. As such having seen his niece abducted and lost to the world for 16 years it makes perfect sense that he would seek to hide his daughters particularly a blonde one from the world as soon as her powers became obvious.
    Thus deciding to leave her locked up at home while attending the wedding of his niece. At least that was the plan. I doubt the leopard ever entered his mind before that fateful decision.

    But at least we can rest assured that the cousins eventually met.


    Now we have arrived at this point. We also have to accept the other obvious lineage that is also clearly present. Jane is the granddaughter of belle and the beast.


    Belle's ability to communicate with wild savage beasts clearly is inherited by Jane as demonstrated when she communicates with Tarzan who of course was raised by animals.
    Of course it also explains why Jane inherited the family dinner service.


    Ok that's it done for today.
    But if you are asking what does this have to do with the omelettes?

    Absolutely nothing. But I thought it would be a hell of a lot more entertaining than sharing anything about that lot. 

    349 days to go
  14. Off-topic story time!!! I kept reading thinking that it would somehow curve back to you saying something along the lines of the omets suck and how they're only wannabe pvpers but it never did hahaha a huge testament to your boredom with em....I actually feel a little sorry for ya bud. Seems fighting a whole "clan" would be more entertaining
  15. Alas no clan desires to protect them. And not a surprise. It's only a handful of noobs with multiple alts that have to pay to play and non stop fail with their alts.
    Bunch of eb fairies
  16. You must be either to young or too old to have time to write all of this 
  17. 10 minutes a day eggcept for first post. . And my daughter loved laughing at the omelettes eggspense again today. Will be doing some new pictures with my kids to further show how silly the omelettes are soon.

    Ya gotta laugh. It's just a game and they are just a bad yoke.
    Stay tuned for more bad puns and jokes
    Same bat time. Same bat channel tomorrow.
  18. Ok so as you all know I have been farming a certain omet and his kin.
    But I was in the course of my inveggstigation curious as to what caused a person to become so bitter and disillusioned with kaw
    Why is someone so enraged over two hits.

    And yep of course. We all knew it upfront.
    It's unrequited love.

    So what's happened and with who?
    Who in all of kaw, could turn this formerly loveable and mighty warrior ( in his own mind anyway ) into such a twisted butthurt monster?

    So of course we start our tale with chewie riding into battle.


    This is what we all want to remember chewie as a hero, right ?

    But look carefully. His best buddy in the whole world?
    What gives. In the corner of his eye? Is that a spark of jealousy?


    Unbeknown to poor Han, chewie and princess Leia were carrying on behind his back.


    This almost seemed to be a good thing.
    Chewie was happy for a while,
    He even tried new things to impress Leia.


    Playing ball became an appealing topic to him.


    Maybe a bit too much of an appeal?


    Leia did not seem impressed with the way chewie was changing before her eyes.


    And this I think was the breaking point. That defining moment she ran back to Han.

    Chewie unable to communicate his desires appropriately


    Turned to worshipping drink.
    And got into trouble with the law.


    So that could well be why our beloved chewie is so bitter and twisted these days.

    Personally though I still think as far as pets go... He's better than a poodle. Just.


    348 days to go. 
  19. Sorry short update today
    Crazy busy with uneggspected things. But a trip to the foreign supermarket revealed the perfeggt thing for making omelettes.


    I may have to shop there more often now.

    At least for the next 347 days.